The Love of a Mother

Right now as I write it is a few days away from Valentine’s Day. So, naturally there is an emphasis on love and showing love towards others- those special people in our lives whom we want to show our love for through cards, sweets, flowers, and gifts. It is even celebrated in school (still) with little valentine cards for classmates and parties with cupcakes and juice.

This talk of love has made me think about love. But, more specifically a mother’s love. See, I am a mamma bear when it comes to my kids- which yes, they are not really littles anymore! My youngest turns 23 in a few days, but, yes they are STILL my KIDS. If you aren’t familiar with bears, especially mamma bears- they are protective. There is a saying that you never get between a mother bear and her cubs in the wild. I’ve never tried this and haven’t seen a bear in the wild that close- so I can’t really say if this is true, but it is what I’m told.

So, as a mom it really hurts me when someone hurts my kids or says something bad about them- my mamma bear rises up in me and I feel hurt too. It is difficult to explain to guys- no offense- or those without kids of their own- the love I have for them is just strong, even as they are well into adulthood. There is this incredible bond that begins before they are even born. I love my husband, but at times if I am honest, this love for my kids is just as strong.

Maybe its the carrying them for nine months, or the realization when you hold them for the first time – that this little human is totally dependent on you that spurs you on to make the vow that you’re never going to let anyone hurt them.

Early on in our marriage my husband and I experienced infertility and thankfully, we were eventually able to conceive and have three awesome kids of our own. So, I really feel blessed to have been able to bring these little humans into the world. Maybe that’s why I feel even more love and thankfulness for them. I am blessed by God and fortunate to be their mom.

Over the years, I have heard criticism that hurt and pretty much all the time was unfounded, like the time someone told me to cut my daughter’s hair as a baby because she had too much! Or that one was fat for a baby, or one must be autistic, or another diabetic because he liked to drink water as an infant. There are certainly too many critics and experts on infants and children. There isn’t a shortage. But, through it all I had to vent a little to my husband and then move on to forgiving the critics. That is the difficult part. How do you forgive someone who hurts your little kid with their words? Or hurt you about your mothering?

Honestly, it is just like any other kind of hurt that requires forgiveness. We cannot hold on to grudges, and anger towards others, who like us are created in the image of God. We all have spoken critical words towards others at one time or another. Maybe we were hurting ourselves, or full of fear and anxiety and we lashed out without thinking. Sometimes our mouths can get ahead of our brains. Yikes! Been there done that!

God asks us to forgive those who have wronged us and even pray for our enemies. It is tough stuff, even for mamma bears like me. But, greater than a mother’s love for her children is God’s love for His. Not are all God’s children-only those who have called upon Him for salvation- but all are created by Him. All are known by Him before they take one breath here on earth. And He love all of them. The whole world. That’s not just the planet He talks about in John 3:16- but all the people- all His creation. If God can forgive us our wrongdoing against Him, surely we can too. Maybe the greater the love- the mamma bear kind of love, takes more effort to forgive those who hurt our children, but with God’s help we can do this.

This applies to us all, not just to moms and dads. We are all God’s creation, and we will hurt each other. But we can also love others and forgive others because we are made in God’s image.

So, this Valentine’s day, remember that God has so much love for the world that He sent His Son to redeem it. He protects and loves us, even more than a mamma bear- His love is perfect and greater than a mother’s love. He loves you!-God Bless- Nancy

Don’t Miss It

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24, NIV)

This week has been difficult. Not going to pretend that it hasn’t. But not so much for me as for others that I know either personally or through a friend of a friend. Life is difficult at times and it is only complicated with the “ever- hanging on” world- wide pandemic. It seems like it just won’t give up its grip. It is easy to get discouraged at these times in our lives. We are looking for the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, only to discover it is a train coming straight towards us. It is overwhelming and if anyone considers it soberly, thoughtfully, they can find the secondary affects of this stress filled global situation. If it seems to you that people have become angrier and lashing out at others, then you have the same thoughts as I have. The world is reeling from the stress and people are just reacting to the fear they are experiencing. Anger is a a secondary emotion that is caused by hurt, fear or a perceived threat or hurt.

As a Christian, I am not immune to feelings of fear, or hurt or anger. The difference is that I can take all these fears, and hurts and bring them to the feet of Jesus. I can ask for His wisdom and ask for help in dealing with it all. I can ask Him to help me forgive others. I do not have to solve it by myself. I do not have to let it all get the best of me. Although, I admit sometimes I let it do just that; get the best of me. I get overwhelmed, stressed out, angry, hurt and discouraged. I fall short of giving it to Jesus first, preferring to struggle on my own for a bit. But just when I get comfortable trying to deal with it in my slump, God shows up with a reminder of the good that is left in a world of a global crisis.

It may be just me, but I have noticed something very remarkable in the past two weeks. While the world has been watching the Olympics and celebrating the medal winners and conversing about the athletes’ mental health issues, I have seen a beautiful picture of what it means to “Spur on one another”. I can’t help but notice that the talented athletes of the games, have been hugging, fist bumping and cheering on others, that is not only their own teammates, but their competitors. Winners do not gloat over themselves, but reach over the ropes, or walk around the ropes to hug and congratulate the other competitors. They represent different countries, different political viewpoints and ideologies, but here, at the Tokyo Olympics, they are just athletes, who act more like friends then competitors. The level of sportsmanship has been amazing. Countries who do not get along on the political stage, have athletes who walk up and hug each other. The common ground of course is their sport. They are all athletes who have trained hard and love their sport, and are not afraid to share in celebration and encouragement with others, regardless of where they live, or what country they represent. I have watched quite a few Olympics- not going to tell you how many- but for real, this is the one thing that really stood out in contrast to other Olympics. These athletes should be recognized for this sportsmanship. It is the way the world should be and needs to be now. It is what the church in particular should look like. This is what the author of the Book of Hebrews was reminding the Christians to do. Encourage others to keep on keeping on doing good deeds for others. Keep on believing. Keeping on having faith.

What I have seen from the Olympics has challenged me to find ways to encourage others. To offer hope, to praise their efforts, and let them know I am pulling for them. Is there anyone in your life you can encourage? To build up and not tear down? To spur them on in their faith walk? This is what we are called to do. -God Bless- Nancy

Faithful and True

For the Word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does- Psalm 33:4

If you ask my kids or my husband about me they will probably tell you that I’m too hard on myself- Too critical- To quick to judge myself and find myself lacking.- Too concern with doing everything right- Too worried about what others think of me- Too uptight about making a mistake. I suspect I’m not the only one.

We too often try to keep up with others, or at least what we think others are doing- all those perfectly touched up social media lives and perfect Instagram photos. Have we lost sight of our real selves, in favor of trying to be who we see on our phones? Have we lost the uniqueness God has placed within us? Are we allowing ourselves to imitate others, like we post our tik tok videos? Can we allow ourselves to be real, open, vulnerable, and admit we are not perfect? Can we be original, instead of copies?

We make mistakes. We can fail. We can repeat our mistakes and fail many times. But that never lessens what God thinks of us. He knows we will fall short. He knows we try. More importantly He knows our hearts, our intentions. And yet He loves us. Many of you I’m sure have John 3:16 memorized, or at least have seen it at football games- that is back when football games had fans in the stands. God loved the world. But do we really get that He loves us? Personally? I’ve heard before that its a good idea to insert our name in place of the “world” when we recite this verse…. Try it. For God so love_______, that He gave His only Son for her/him, that if ____believes then ____will not perish but have eternal life.

I know, it might seem extra to you, but the point I want to remind you of today is that God is faithful. He loves you. Nothing will keep Him from being faithful. Nothing will stop God from loving you. He sent His Son for you. He knows you cannot measure up to His standards. That’s why He sent Jesus.

And He knows that trying to seem perfect, to try to live perfectly in an imperfect world, is impossible. Trying to be like someone else, is impossible. He created you to be you.

Believe me, I know how difficult it is to let yourself off the hook, off the endless futile cycle of trying to do everything perfectly. Just to be clear, I’m not saying we shouldn’t care about what we do and become lazy, but just that we need to realize since God understands that we cannot measure up and sent Jesus, then maybe we should try to extend more grace upon ourselves. To let ourselves make more mistakes, not intentionally, but just not deal with ourselves so harshly. We all have what is known as self- talk, how we talk to ourselves. Aligning this self- talk with what God’s Word says about us is so important. We have been fearfully and wonderfully made. He never makes mistakes- we are who we are because God created us that way. We are all just works in progress. Someday we will be finished, looking like Jesus, but until then, we will be ourselves, imperfections and all. God Bless- Nancy

Understanding The Past

Last time I shared some of my thoughts on Gen Z and how they are reformers and influences that have in the past been overlooked. Well, today my thoughts turn to something which I have been burdened to write about, although I doubt it will be very popular. Forgiveness. Yeah I have written on the topic before, and you can find my previous blog by searching within my archived blogs, but I think the time is right to talk about it now.

Unless you have been in complete isolation, you have been affected by all the protests surrounding the untimely death of George Floyd in Minnesota. No one should be happy to see someone die in front of them, or on their phone or TV screens. Likewise, for all the business owners and workers who have lost their places of employment due to the riots, they have unwittingly become part of a larger problem. To be sure not all the protests have turned into riots, but instead have just been concerned people asking for change for the future.

But I have been thinking that while change and reform is clearly needed, one thing has been failing to make the headlines: Forgiveness. All of us can think of our own past experiences and probably name events that deeply hurt us. People who deeply hurt us. Sometimes emotionally- they said things that should not have been said- or even physically or spiritually- a bad church experience or pastor who made us want to leave Christianity behind.

But the key phrase to consider here is the past. We cannot change the past hurts in our lives. The things we wished hadn’t happened. The words we wish we didn’t need to hear. The pain from a punch, grab, or slap. Words hurt, physical violence hurts. We can’t deny that. It was an event that even now stirs emotions inside of us. We know it was not right, that we did not deserve it, yet it happened and as much as we wish it didn’t, the point is it DID. We can’t change the past. But we can change how we deal with the past.

We can demand justice and reparation. Which is right, but sometime the people who have hurt us are no longer with us, so we cannot even get back what we lost. So, what do we do with that? And even if we can get justice, will it erase all the hurt that still lingers in our minds when we bring back the details in our minds? No. We must still deal with the pain within.

For some, escaping the pain within means to take it out on others. If we are hurting we want others to feel what we feel. We want things set right. We want a payment to be made that will fix what we feel owed to us. Or, we might choose to numb the pain through alcohol or drugs- prescription or otherwise- but it is something we will have to keep up forever, since it will not take away the pain permanently.

For some of us, it might mean harming ourselves, for it is something we can control when we feel life is beyond our control. But, it does not get rid of the pain within.

Right now there is a sense of pain worldwide and  of unrest that is constantly fueled by media to play upon the hurts and injustices done in the past. We are under the stress of quarantine and no longer able to move about doing many of the things we enjoyed in the past- dinner with friends, trips to the beach or Disney world. We have been herded like cats into a corner and when trapped we have brought out our claws towards who ever is a perceived threat. If you’ve never tried to corner a cat and get them into a box, then you probably won’t get my analogy. But for those who still have the scars from a cat scratch, you get me. We are hurting now. We are in pain. We do not like what has happened. And rightly so. But, my question is what do we do with all that pain?

Do we lash out at each other? On social media? or in person? Does this change the past? No, it could feel good for awhile, just like numbing the pain, and real change can come through reforms and allowing for good dialogue. But there will still be pain within. There are still people who will be mourning the death of a loved one due to riots. For them the pain will be a reminder every time they sit down at their tables for a meal. Their loved one is never coming back. The past cannot be undone. The pain will be there.

And if they let this pain consume them, it will be like a cancer that destroys within. Pain turns to anger and anger to bitterness and bitterness to resentment and resentment to hate and hate to unforgiveness. Unforgiveness is something few like to talk about because they feel justified in their unforgiveness and hate. They store up the hate and pain until it destroys them from within. They cannot look at another person without finding fault with them. They cannot look at themselves without finding fault with themselves. Grace and mercy are not offered to others when mistakes are made. A narrow view of the world that only seeks the good of themselves and not the good of others. They become self- centered and demanding, prideful even. And while there can be self-loathing, they still feel they are better than others. They point fingers of blame at the rest of the world. It is always someone else’s fault and someone else needs to pay for the wrongs done.

I look back to a time when instead of hate, forgiveness was offered. When a man was offered a warm southern welcome into a weekly Bible study, while unbeknownst to the friendly church people he was full of hate. He did not know them personally, and had never known them before that fateful night. But the hate consumed him. The pain he must have buried overtook him and he decided he needed to get payment by taking the lives of nine people. But then an amazing thing happened. The family of the nine murdered- the innocent Christians gathered that night- forgave the killer. The community gathered to pray for unity when others attempted to infiltrate and cause riots. The riots never happened. There were no businesses destroyed or others killed. But….. There was forgiveness. That does not mean there was not pain to bear by the families. It does not mean that there was not sadness as they saw the empty chairs at dinnertime where there loved ones should have been sitting. But. They found a way to deal with their pain through forgiveness.

They were all Christians who knew what the Bible teaches on the matter. See, for some of you, the Bible is just a book that was written so long ago that it is out of touch with our modern post Christian age. But let me tell you that is a wrong assumption to make. Human nature has not changed over the centuries and the Bible has much to say about how to deal with others. For those who are familiar with the story of Peter and Jesus discussing forgiveness then you know where I’m going with this. But, if not, here it is:

Peter is asking Jesus how many times should he forgive a brother. You know like asking for a friend, LOL. So Jesus replies with the famous “Seventy times seven” Some people actually takes this literally while others smarter than me say it means until you have forgiven them. So, I think we can figure out not everything was always perfect in the relationships between the twelve disciples. There must have been some stepping on each other’s toes. After all, right before Peter asks Jesus about forgiveness, the disciples  wanted know who will be the greatest in His kingdom.  Like what is my job and title? VP, Prime Minister, or what? The disciples still thought Jesus was going to overthrow the Roman government through a revolt and become King. This is all in Matthew chapter 18 if you’d like to follow along. This chapter also covers the lost sheep, the children and Jesus and the unmerciful servant.

It appears that Matthew is making a point by tying all the stories together. We must be humble, not self- seeking,  seeking those who have lost their way and help them, forgive when others hurt us as many times as it takes, which appears like it must take many times because Jesus is either telling Peter, hey you are going to continue to be hurt by your brother, or hey, you probably will be thinking about this a lot and will need to be continually forgiving, and we must show mercy, even to those who don’t appear to deserve it. Why? Because that is precisely what Jesus did for us. He humbled Himself and became a man- He left Heaven where He had a throne- to become a servant, He goes looking for all the lost people who cannot find their way, He forgives us as many times He needs to, and for some of us that’s a LOT – just saying-, and He shows us mercy when we did not deserve it when we deserve to pay for our own debts- our own mistakes. So…

The question is: Why can’t we forgive? Are we going to keep on looking for ways to numb the pain? Are we going to demand payment when sometimes the ones who have hurt us are gone? Will we demand payment from others by lashing out at others- who had nothing to do with causing our pain? Or will we instead, offer forgiveness, seek to talk and understand each other, and pray for God’s wisdom in how to move forward. We can learn from the past and understand from it, but we can never get a full payment from the past. It is done. It happened. We must forgive and move on.- God Bless Nancy

ForGIVEness Stew

About a year after my Mom died, I gave my Dad a small crock pot for Christmas. At the time he lived alone and was learning how to cook for himself for the first time after their fifty plus years of marriage. Oh, he had begun to cook a little, while my Mom had been hospitalized and also when she was in rehab at the nursing home, but it was more of hotdogs, chicken nuggets and trips to McDonald’s for his diet. So, I thought if he could make food that would be healthier and just as easy as grabbing fast food, it would be better for him. It took awhile before he actually opened the box and tried out the crock pot. But as he did, he began to tell me how awesome it was. Recently, he explained to me in detail how to carefully layer each vegetable and to lay the pieces of stew meat on top and to pour over the top a can of stew seasoning. He discussed the brands and types of carrots and potatoes he used. It has been quite the transformation for him as he now can talk about cooking with me. He has become quite the chef now.

I love my crock pot too. It is fun to add all the ingredients into one pot, plug it in and just let it cook away. When its time to eat, all you have to do is turn it off , lift off the cover and serve the food. Other than prepping the vegetables and such, there’s not much work to it. It just cooks away. Stewing everything to perfection. But, as my dad has learned, the kind of stew you get depends upon what you put in the crock pot. If my Dad chose to add spoiled carrots or potatoes with those black moldy spots, I’m sure he wouldn’t think the crock pot was so awesome. Knowing my Dad as I do, he probably would have thrown out the crock pot, or given it to my brother. He wouldn’t use it again. Of course, he wouldn’t add spoiled vegetables, but when it comes to life that’s what we do, so to speak, sometimes, especially in relationships.

If you’ve been on this planet for very long, then you have had plenty of experience with being hurt by others. It happens. We are all imperfect people. And most of the time people do not intend to hurt us, it happens often because of miscommunication, lack of communication and misunderstanding. I’ve talked about that before, but this time I was thinking of how we can let those little hurts stew in our lives, until they become bigger and bigger, until we are the proud owners of  unforgiveness stew. And guess what? We are the ones who have to eat it. And it tastes bad, like eating the spoiled carrots, moldy potatoes, etc. The solution to holding onto to unforgiveness is to forgive, right? Well, that is true. The Bible is clear about that.

Matthew 18:21-22 is a classic example often given when dealing with forgiving others. Peter asks Jesus, how many times do I Have to forgive my brother, answer: seven times, seventy times seven, or in other words, alot. Until you’ve forgotten what you were mad about. But there is also something else we can do: change what we are adding to the crock pot. What do I mean? Well, most of what we stew about when we are mad at someone else for what they have done to us, has nothing to do with our current problem. We keep thinking about all the bad stuff they have done before to us. All the unresolved issues of the past, or all the things we think they do wrong on any given day. All the criticisms we can think up, and we add them all to the stew we are making. Before long we have created an ugly stew.

Instead, my challenge to you is to follow the advice Paul gives in Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things” (NIV). I have had to do this many times, and not just in times when I would rather stew. It works to change how you perceive things. Take time and look up each word carefully in a dictionary. The word noble for example means to possess high qualities. So, can you think of the other’s person’s high qualities? It might not be easy, but they’re probably not the slugs you think they are at this moment. Think of the times they did something special for you. Think about the qualities you admire about them.Focusing on the good and true things, replaces all the ugly thoughts you might be having. And when you begin to find the good things, add them to your crock pot. What you will end up with is not an awful tasting stew, but a delicious one that you can share together; a restored and forgiven relationship. And be sure to talk. Too many times we begin to stew because we haven’t talked together. The other person hasn’t intentionally hurt you and are probably unaware of how you are feeling. Confrontation is not easy to start, but the results are a clearer picture of the situation. But until you can sit down and talk, try Philippians 4:8 and begin to change your thinking about the other person. And pray. A whole lot. It can move mountains, diffuse anger, and prepares your heart to give the best gift you can give yourself and the other person; forgiveness. God Bless- Nancy

 

 

Let Go

Last time I shared with you the need to press on and how that looks sometimes. People won’t always believe in what you are trying to do. There will be obstacles to moving forward. We took at look at Philippians 3:12. This week I have been reminded that sometimes we need to let go of things in the past that hold us back. Paul wrote to the Philippians about all his religious standings and experiences that should have given him confidence and something to boast about, but he chose not to rest on these laurels for he felt he had not arrived at a place of maturity or perfection. In verse 13 he tells them “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead” (NIV).

I bring that up because its a great verse, but one not to be taken out of context. Paul was forgetting those things that gave him tremendous credibility among the Jew and Gentile believers. What I have been challenged to do this week is to leave behind and forget the ugly things of life. The mistakes I’ve made in the past, the unkind words or actions of others, you know THOSE things. If you are like me, you are much harder on yourself than on others. And if you’re like me it is easy to remember when someone has hurt you. It is easy to hold on to unforgiveness and to let others know how you’ve been wronged. The more you repeat it, the more difficult it is to forget it and move on. The same is true of ourselves. The more we think about our shortcomings and mistakes of the past, the more they will bother us and steal our confidence for the future. It is true we can’t change the past, but we can live for the future.Every day is a new day to get up and move forward. Paul compares it to straining or reaching, like a runner towards the finish line. For my football fans, think of it as stretching the ball across the end zone with all you’ve got, while being pummeled by twenty other players. You got this, just let go and move forward. – God Bless -Nancy