Was it you?

Some days we can let our circumstances get the best of us. And our emotions. We get tired and we get cranky. On the outside we are adults, but on the inside we can act like an unruly two year old. We want our way, and when we don’t get it, we get upset.

The recent events of the world have stretched me and tried my patience to the point of my becoming that unruly two year old.  I feel bad for feeling bad, which makes the situation worse, it seems. I have been the queen of self- criticism before, and on a particular, hot, tiresome August day, I acted both as a temperamental toddler and a self-critic. I was exhausted both physically and mentally. I had been fighting the constant battle of my thoughts. If you read my last blog, you know that I addressed fear versus caution in the midst of this pandemic. Most of the time, I can keep my perspective and my focus on Christ and the things that matter, rather than on the fears that continually get fueled by what I see and read. It is easy to give into fear, especially when you’re worn out and tired.

So, there I was, exhausted, worn out, stressed and alone in a gas station bathroom. I had had enough of it all. The worries of the pandemic, the fears of moving into new chapters of my life, the pressure of resuming my seminary classes after a summer break, the disappointments and disagreements between family members, and the late hour. I felt my eyes well up with tears, but I didn’t want to let myself cry. I’d have to walk back through the store portion of the station, and didn’t want to face anyone, even a stranger with my red eyes and running mascara. I quietly told God I wanted to give up. I’ve had enough. I  knew that much of what had been happening in my personal life was a spiritual attack from the pits of hell, but I was just tired of fighting it.

In those moments of frustration and desperation, it seems like the most logical thing to say or think is to cry “Uncle”. Our faith is being stretched so much. We just want to throw in the towel and tell the Devil he’s won. We’ll stop trying to make a difference in the world. Just look out for number one, forget others, Isn’t that what the world tells us to do? Why go against the current? Why speak up for the truth? Why follow God? Why keep going to school to answer God’s call to be a pastor? How many war wounds and battle scars are enough God? I just wanna give up God, it’s not worth it anymore, can you help me God? If not, I’m giving up!

But, you were there. And you made a difference. I never saw you, might not ever meet you. But I know you had been there and must have listened to God’s voice, that still, quiet voice, to leave me a note in the bathroom that evening. It was such a clear message from God, that in my two- year tantrum mindset,  I tried not to see it. I was just so fed up with everything. I know God it was really a note from you. An answer from you, not just from a person. You are pretty intentional, and you intended for me to see that little piece of folded paper.

There it was, a handwritten note, slightly damp from the water of the sink from others who had seen it, while they washed up. It was written in colored pencil or ink, and some of the writing from the back side of the paper had faded. But there was no doubt about the message; “Jesus loves you so very much” Simple. To the point. And not even a memorized Bible verse. Just the reminder I needed that late evening at a gas station bathroom. I recited in my mind the words over and over again as I walked back out into the parking lot. Jesus loves me. So. very. much. Not just the simple Jesus loves me this I know, of the familiar kids song, but different, personal, and just what I needed to hear from God.

So thank you, who ever you are, you made a difference in my world and hopefully in the world in general. Thank you for not giving up in telling the world that yes, in fact, Jesus does love them so very much. Maybe you were a child, who forget their handwritten picture on the sink earlier that day as you washed your hands, or maybe you were a teen or adult, who knew to hear God’s voice and share the love you know with the world who does not know of God’s love.

We all have a part to play in Christ’s kingdom if we are Christians. Don’t give up and throw in the towel. Your action might be small, like a little piece of paper on a sink. But you make the difference in the world.

The world is desperate for answers, for peace, and for love. God has all that, and He is offering it freely. We all need to encourage each other about God’s love for us. Of His truth. Of His peace He offers. Of His hope that does not disappoint. Of His answers to prayer, that sometimes come in the form of little notes left on sinks.

Maybe you are looking for answers, be sure not to overlook those little quiet voices, reminding you to look to God for those answers. Be quiet enough to listen so that you don’t miss them. They might come in the form of a little, folded, love note from God. God hears you.

a.) or b.)

When I first began college I was 48. By some, still young and by others too old to start my education. I did all of my classes online and despite new technology, I found that the tests were the same as when I was in High School, some decades ago. Online tests were either made up of multiple choice or true/ false. I’ve got to be honest; I like multiple choice. With a choice of four to five correct answers, the odds of being right are better than with true/false that only gives you a fifty percent chance of being right. Or being wrong. Multiple choice gives you the opportunity to eliminate the answers that are clearly wrong, or if you’re guessing, the most wrong possible answers. Yes, I admit, I did a lot of guessing.

I finished my undergrad degree in a little over five years and for me, I think that’s pretty good, since I attended part- time. Now I am in the early stages of graduate school/ seminary and I am once again facing the dreaded multiple choices.

But, I don’t mean the tests. I find myself, trying to decide what my next steps are. Do I stick with my degree plan, change degrees, stop school, stay in school, find a job, find a job in my undergrad field, write, or just go on vacation, and not have to decide? Whew!. See there’s the problem. I have made everything more complicated than it has to be.

Thankfully, I was able to be encouraged this week by another believer. If you’ve read my post last week, I shared how we need to inspire and encourage each other as believers. I was challenged by her to choose to believe. That might sound an oversimplification, but its the truth. We all need to CHOOSE to believe and not let our own fears, doubts and worries drive us to confusion and anxiety. Such confusion, worry, anxiety, doubt and fear never comes from God, but from our own thoughts fueled by the enemy.

How should we choose to believe then? In the simplest answer: by changing our thoughts. In Romans 12:2 there is the perfect instruction; “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God”. The best place to start this renewal is found in reading the Bible. From it, we can learn what pleases God and what He thinks about us and how He wants to help us. I am reminded that I need to choose to believe that God has a good plan for my life. I do not have to fear that somehow I might make a wrong choice and miss God’s will for my life. The world teaches us to be anxious about everything; to worry over money, careers, health, aging, status, but the Bible teaches us to trust God. I’ve realized my stress is coming from a place of fear, not faith. Of anxiety over making the wrong choice. You might be facing a similar situation, it seems like there are always multiple choices in life. So, here’s a easy way to remember what to do when you are overwhelmed; you can choose a.) Anxiety or b.) Believe. I’m going to choose b.) it’s the best answer. -God Bless- Nancy