relationships – Moving Forward

Perfect Love

I can’t help but notice how reality television has become the norm in programming. The irony is that the viewers are not living in their own reality, but viewing a false reality that enables them to escape their own reality. We are fixated on others’ lives and challenges. There are races, dares, dating, marriage, and physical competitions under the billing of reality TV.

Of the dating programming a new program has recently begun here in the United States; the Golden Bachelor. The concept is interesting and I’m sure peaks the interest of some viewers who might wonder if boomers still date. Once again it appeals to the viewers who prefer to “live” in another’s reality. It gives the viewer a chance to see into the life and experiences of others. Sad to say, I doubt the experiences have any “reality” to them, but are staged opportunities to boost ratings.

But, the topic made me think about dating and the search for love. With so many programs streaming and the abundance apps devoted to dating, it appears we as a society are looking for love. But, let me clarify a bit further. It would appear from the abundance of programs and apps, what we are really looking for is perfection. We can eliminate dates by pitting them against each other. Dating has been reduced to a competition and a consumer driven mindset.But rest assured it is not all fun and games in dating. Romance is not dead in television programming, or at the local bookstore. Romance is a big seller. Just ask Hallmark, or the publishers of romance novels. What seems to be the conclusion to all this? Everyone is not just looking for someone to date, but their “perfect” love to date. Their “perfect” plus one who will complete them and allow them to live out a perfect life together, or until they find a new “perfect” one.

The reality is there is no other perfect person to fit the role of perfect love. We are all flawed. The best we can hope for is to be in a relationship consisting of two imperfect people trying to live out life together with the help of the only one who has perfected love. And no, I don’t mean the producers of reality dating shows.

The only perfect love is found in the Bible. And this perfect love is not between two people. Perfect love refers to God’s love and how we respond to His offer of salvation. When we believe that God sent Jesus to pay for our sins, we enter a relationship with God. We no longer need to fear punishment. If you’d like to know more about this perfect love and the relationship with fear read chapter 4 of 1 John. This is the only time the term “perfect” love appears in the Bible.

So, maybe we should be not searching for the “perfect” one, but the perfectly “imperfect” one, who knows they need God and has given their hearts to Him. Relationships were never meant to find our completeness in another person, but to find it first in our relationship with God and find someone who has also found their completeness in God to share and live out this incredible journey we call life. – God Bless You, Nancy

What Is Good, Anymore?

“Would you like some more coffee?” ‘No, I’m good” “How are you doing today?” “I’m good, how about you?” “Are we good?” “Yes, it looks good” “God is so good, so good to me!”

You can probably think of the multiple ways you have heard the word good used. It seems to be a generic, catch- all word to describe everything from the ripeness of fruit, to relationships, to our state of mind, to the accuracy in a construction project. The number of times the word is used makes me wonder if everything can be called good. If everything is so good, why is there still bad in the world?

In Christian circles the phrase “God is good” is used many times. I’ve even heard it used in a mocking way, towards believers by unbelievers. Perhaps they too have heard it so many times uttered by Christians that they have witnessed the insincerity of the phrase.

To be sure the word good is used many times in the Bible, beginning in Genesis when God called each of His created things, good. And what God calls good is good. It is His standard, not ours.

Yet, if we are honest, we prefer our standard definition of good, rather than God’s standard. We tend to measure goodness, in terms of contentment, satisfaction and blessing. If it is good for us, than it must be declared good. When God blesses us in our finances, work, families, or generally answers our prayers in the way we want, well, then we declare “God is good!”

If we are honest, we mistake our feelings, for a true declaration of God’s goodness. God’s goodness does not depend upon us calling Him good, based upon our understanding of circumstances, but rather, on who He is. He is good because it is His character. He is still good, whether our circumstances align with the goodness or blessings in our lives. God is still good when a tornado strikes. God is still good when someone is taken from this life too soon. God is still good when we lose everything.

If you visit any book store and search for inspirational stories, i.e. the “religion” section, you will find plenty of Christian books on living the good life. All promise a better life than what you currently live, if only you will buy the book, follow the easy five step plan and in an instant your life will be good. If you follow this direction, I’m sad to say, you will be disappointed. Life is not always good. Life is not always blessed in the ways we want and desire. God is not so much interested in a financial blessing as a spiritual growth blessing in our lives. Growth can mean pain and difficulty. My son suggested a better book title to more accurately describe life as “Life sucks, but it still goes on anyway” I wonder if a book with that title would sell, or if we are too conditioned for the “good life” of ease and blessings.

When children grow, they often experience growing pains. This is not a bad thing, but rather good and necessary. In our darkest, loneliest moments is when grow and increased dependence upon God occurs. We draw closer in our relationship with Him. We cling to Him and call our to Him. Yet, do we ever exclaim “God is good” in our pain?

Yet, so many false teachers are out there in the world, claiming that God wants to make us rich and happy. Reality is, the only ones getting rich and happy are them, selling their books and programs. They have taught us that goodness, and in particular, the goodness of God is to be measured by our own standards, based on our own contentment. We have become the ones who declare God is good, if He meets our standards. We call ourselves good if we do our good works and are recognized for them. We call ourselves good when we reach our personal goals. We call ourselves good when we are content.

And we lie to each other as well. How often have you answered someone who asked how you are with, “I’m good” when inside you are actually a mess. Why not be honest with each other. If you are not okay or “good” say so. Let’s share each other burdens and pray for each other, you know like the Bible instructs us to do.

Finally, we should be aware that our own definition of goodness is very skewed. look around the world and it does not take long to see a shift to the acceptance of bad practices becoming the accepted and normal. Life is not protected and cherished, relationships are temporary and used for pleasure rather than long term commitment. Life is about what we call good. Whatever feels right or convenient. We do not want pain, or worry or difficulty. We want our good. We want our brand of happy.

The prophet Isaiah mentions “Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and shrewd in their own sight!” (Is. 5:20-21, ESV). Apparently, this has been a problem for mankind for awhile.

I do not have a definition of woe but I’m pretty sure it’s a warning. Yet, mankind still tries to substitute evil for good. We attempt our own definition and usage of good. But, this becomes a problem when your definition of good does not match my definition. If I call something good that you find bad or evil, how can we find resolution? Do we simply isolate ourselves? What if there were an arbiter? To settle the dispute over definition?

Well, thankfully, there is; God is the arbiter to decide what is good. Let’s follow His definition and think twice before we proclaim “God is good!” only when everything is going our way. Let’s allow the Bible to define good and evil. Let us keep on our course and finish the race set before us, whether that means blessings or difficulties. God is still good, and not by our standards, but His. -God Bless You- Nancy

Together

I’ll be honest, I’ve been putting this off for awhile. I don’t like to be controversial and I fear rejection most of all, but it is something that has been weighing on my heart and mind. See, if you’re like most people, you are probably feeling a bit anxious with the world in the state it finds itself: a global pandemic and social and political unrest. Here in the United States, we just finished celebrating Thanksgiving. It’s a time to celebrate with thankful hearts what God has provided. It has its roots in the early pilgrims who risked it all to leave England and sail to America to establish a community of religious freedom for themselves and their children. The first year was difficult as they were not fully prepared for the conditions in New England. Many of the new immigrants died of sickness and disease. Without the aid of the local people, they would have all died. So, according to history, they gathered together and celebrated to thank God for His provision. We in the United States remember that early celebration by having our own version. Some people gather for a large meal with family or sometimes with friends; a friendsgiving.

But, as we have been repeated told by media, this year is different. Well, sort of…. It’s true many avoided family and friends this year for Thanksgiving, but what is actually different this year is the silent crisis that is growing, that a few are talking about, but should be.

There is a real pandemic that is creating problems that are more widespread than the Covid virus. See, we are not made for this pandemic I’m talking about. With Covid, are bodies can fight it off, if we have a healthy immune system, but with this accompanying silent pandemic, few are immune, because we are wired for each other. We will all be touched by it in someway.

What am I talking about? The accompanying mental health crisis and addiction crisis that has far reaching effects than the Covid could ever have. We simply are wired by God for each other; for relationships. Genesis 2:18 makes it pretty clear, when God saw Adam alone, He said it wasn’t good. Being alone isn’t good. So God created a partner for Adam, Eve.

If you don’t believe the Bible, but prefer science than here are some science facts: The Heath Resources and Service Administration reported in 2019, (before the pandemic) that 20% of Americans felt socially isolated and lonely, creating the health equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes per day. (Christian Counseling Today, vol. 24, no.3) Let that soak in: the health affects of being lonely and socially isolated touch you physically as if you smoked. Depression and anxiety are skyrocketing because of the social isolation imposed upon people. Drug and alcohol addictions are on the rise as well, creating more problems for society.

There are connections between our mental health and our physical health, as noted above and are called pre-disease pathways (The Loneliness Epidemic, 2020.Mayfield, CCT, vol. 24, no. 3). According to Mayfield, loneliness and isolation can “Predict both morbidity and mortality.”(Mayfield, 2020). Heart disease alone claims 647,000 and cancer 606,500, or one in four people. Many of these diseases are scientifically linked to loneliness as much as other factors, such as nutrition. Our bodies are simply not made to be alone. We are meant to be together, doing life with one another.

Please don’t get me wrong, Covid is very real. It is dangerous for some, but not all people. By now, we probably have all known someone who has gotten Covid. We may have known someone who died from it, or someone who has survived. The real question we should be asking ourselves, is whether we know someone who is struggling emotionally through all of this? Can we recognize mental health issues as accurately as we do physical systems? Can we recognize this in our children? Many professional educators and counselors are very concerned with the effects of social isolation upon the younger generations. Kids need each other for proper development and growth. Are we making them afraid of other people? Are we prepared for the long term results of social isolation?

We are creating a ticking time bomb by isolating our children and ourselves from others, particularly the multi generational connections. The elderly are very vulnerable to virus, because they are weaker sometimes due to other complications. However, they are also very isolated and lonely. Depression is high for this age group as well and this takes a toll on their physical health.

I know not everyone will agree with me that we should be spending time together with our families and friends despite a pandemic. I also want to make sure you understand that I believe we should exercise care, such as wearing a mask, especially if we are not sure if we are a carrier of the virus. But we really should not refrain from visiting our families or keep children from attending school. I learned several years ago the most important things in life were not things; they are people. We all want to believe we are somehow doing the best thing by staying away from our older relatives, but really, can we be certain? I know I am not God. I do not know when any of my family members might die. None of us do. We might believe we somehow will “keep them from dying” if we refuse to visit them in person, but… do we know that for certain? Are we God?

I’m being honest and vulnerable here; I would give anything for just one more day to spend with my Mom. I enjoyed talking to her and appreciated her wisdom and advice from a life well lived. I cannot imagine not seeing her, to spend time with her when she was in the nursing home and hospital. Even at the end, I visited her at the hospital and read to her, although I wasn’t sure if she could hear me or not. We cannot get back those moments, once they are gone, they are gone. But I do know that I will see her again, when we get together once again and celebrate with thanksgiving and praise to God for His provision; Jesus, so that we can be together with Him and one another, who have called upon Him for salvation.

Life is too short and too precious to give up seeing my family and friends. We must be careful to be sure, but we really do need each other, to be together. It is what we are made for.- God Bless- Nancy

Risk

“Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers” ( 1 Timothy 4:16, NIV).

I thought for a moment about choosing a different title for this week’s blog. Maybe “mediocre” or “status quo” would work instead of “risk”, but what am I really trying to say here? In the end I hope always to encourage you to move forward. So, it seems “risk” would work better.

What has set me on this path today is my daughter. She has been working on researching our family tree. Over the weeks, she has made some impressive discoveries about who we really are. I shared earlier about the puritan movers and shakers in my family tree and of those who were locked in towers and faced beheading for their beliefs. Recently I have learned of knights and of Ladies and Lords in the family tree. A big surprise this week has been finding that John Locke was a relative. John Locke has been credited with ideas that would later shape the United States. He was the great grandson of one of my great, great great (etc) grandfathers -a mover and shaker who once fled to Geneva to keep his head attached to his body in fear of Queen Mary, who was seeking to take his life.

Which made me think about where we are today as a culture.Are we a culture of movers and shakers? Of thinkers? Of philosophers who change countries? Of country builders? Are we so concerned with technology and sciences, that we have forgotten to think for ourselves? Are we leaders or followers?

Recently, I asked some younger people just what is important to them in today’s culture. Their answer; acceptance, and of fitting in. Which decidedly is not something exclusive to generation Z or the millennials; its all of us, every generation We all want to feel like we fit in and are accepted, its how God has wired us for relationship with others and with Him.Yet, for many keeping the status quo becomes more important than seeking change. No one likes to stand out and fear rejection by friends and colleagues. When the status quo changes or shifts, so do we and are swept along with the crowd.

I included the quote from Paul’s letter to Timothy as a reminder that status quo was a thing in the first century too. Here, Paul reminds Timothy to live out what he has come to believe for it not only affected him, but those he was teaching. Paul told him to persevere in what he taught and model it in front of those he was teaching.

It is easy to go with the flow of the crowd and to let others think for you. It is harder to think for yourself and go against the current of trends. I am proud to come from a family tree that included those who thought for themselves and refused to go along with the crowd, even risking death for upholding the truths of the Bible, in opposition to what was being taught by the state church. They sought to persevere for their faith and move across an ocean so their children could have a new life, free of religious corruption.

I thought about what this means for me. Am I willing to go against the current? Have I settled into acceptance of popular thought? Even popular christian thought? How does my own doctrine, my own teaching stand up to the criteria of Biblical truth? Do I want acceptance from the status quo, or am I willing to risk standing out from the crowd because I believe the Bible? Standing out might be uncomfortable for a moment, but I am so thankful that those in my family tree did just that. I would not be here if they hadn’t, living in a country where I am free to worship apart from a government controlled church.

So, I encourage you to step out and follow what God has been putting on your heart. If it a little different than what others do, but still compatible with what the Bible teaches, than take a chance. Have you been told you’re too young or too old by culture? Or its just not done by everyone else? You don’t have to follow the crowd, just follow Jesus. Some day your descendants just might thank you for not accepting the status quo, but on taking a risk, their lives might be impacted just as mine has. I like to think that I have inherited some of my ancestor’s tenacity and stubbornness and maybe even their intellectual keenness as John Locke had, who knows? But I do know that I will not settled on being mediocre or status quo, but will attempt to persevere in my life and doctrine. -God Bless -Nancy