peace – Moving Forward

Searching For Words

What words can you share with those embracing the most painful moment of their lives? Is there any right words to offer? Any precise Bible verse or poem that would erase the pain and the sense of loss when a loved one passes? Many of us try to offer something to give hope, to comfort or to fill in that awkward silence when we come to meet the grieving face to face. It might end up being awkward, or unbeknownst hurtful to those that are deeply missing the one they loved.

I have heard many of these hurtful phrases myself as well as from the grieving, the group of people whom I have found myself recently aiding through their grief as a volunteer grief counselor. What always happens as they share what people have said that hurt them, was their appreciation that at least someone would approach them and offer something. Their deepest hurts came from those who they thought would have come forward to share a word, were surprisingly silent. The silence hurt more, than the awkward phrases.

I find myself here in this place now over the passing of a newborn within our extended family. My head cannot grasp any meaning that I can offer to say or to write to the young couple. In this modern age of AI and medical advancements, how is this possible? But, I stop myself from considering all the possibilities and sensibilities of how and why God has allowed this, to the realization; I just don’t know. And I can be okay with not knowing, and I can be okay with just offering an “I sorry” to the couple. I am grieving and sad, as is the whole extended family, as someone we never met in person as we live apart from the couple, has brought us grief and affected our lives by his very existence. He was and is created in the image of God, the Imago Dei. He took a breath and met his mom and dad, grandparents, brother, and his cousin, all who were able to hold him and see him as a reflection of both his parents. His life was brief, but he was loved, named and precious as all babies are, yet his life was too short.

So much happens in this life, both good, and bad, joyful and sad, that are lives seem to be a continuous rollercoaster ride of emotions. There is also so much we do not and will not understand this side of Heaven. When we try to make sense of all this, we can find it impossible to find peace, but only when we surrender our needing to know and replacing it with not knowing, we find the peace we look for. When we simply trust God, we can find peace. Trust isn’t always easy, especially when are hearts are breaking and our minds are reeling, but simply speaking out loud to God and telling Him “I don’t understand this, my heart is breaking, but yet I will trust you”

A verse comes to mind from the Gospel of Mark, from a distraught father who asked Jesus to heal his son and Jesus told him everything was possible if you believe. The father’s response “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief” (Mark 9:24 NIV). There are many times when I need to repeat this, I Do belief Jesus, but help my unbelief. He gets it. He understands. He wept over His friend Lazarus’ death. He wept over the city of Jerusalem. He became one of us and felt the pain we feel. We can trust Him with our pain and our grief, even when there are no words. He knows our pain and offers comfort beyond any words we can offer to others, or receive from others. He is the peace we seek. God Bless- Nancy

Breaking the Silence

This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed- John, John 3:19-20.

I titled this blog as breaking the silence, but wanted to consider also a subtitle: light in the darkness. I realized just how long of a pause there has been between my posts and I owe my faithful subscribers an apology as I have been stuck in processing my thoughts and overwhelmed with anxiety. Yes, Christians can have full blown anxiety, and get the feeling of being overwhelmed even as we trust God in all things. The spiritual battlefield is most often in the mind and sometimes it seems like the wrong side is winning, attacking believers with fear.

It is probably obvious to many of you that my country ( the US) is facing many struggles with the new administration. It may appear to be (and is in some ways) divided with some supporting what is being termed as “MAGA Christians” and their representations in leadership with those who oppose and protest against the actions of the leadership. It is not a position that I would ever have dreamed would happen as the country was founded by immigrants who left their home countries to leave behind religious tyranny and find opportunities to live and worship as they pleased while upholding the teaching from the Bible. My relatives among these groups to leave their homelands for religious freedom.

The history of this country has been checkered and not without sinning against the teachings found in the Bible, but overall, over the years solid individuals and groups put forth laws that sought to give freedoms to individuals and by doing so reflected the teachings of Christ , the two main commandments to love God and love neighbor as found in the Gospels.

But now, I have recently found out that many who claim to take back America, have no intention on upholding the teachings of Jesus. They claim to forward and promote Christian values, but in fact never really share the teachings of the Bible, but misquote and twist the Bible to suit their own agendas of hate, division, crime, abuse and evil. These individuals do not reflect Christians, only a form of false Christianity.

To be honest, I don’t really like talking about politics, but as I have heard from other leaders from solid Christian ministries speaking out and mentioning this division of Christians within the United States, I couldn’t remain silent. Sowing seeds of hate, racism, greed, indifference to the poor, oppressed, the immigrant, and the female leaders, while fueling their own bank accounts and using bribery to effect the outcomes of foreign elections has no place and is incongruent with Jesus. These Christians have “A form of godliness”, but their hearts are far from God, and they are in denial of the power (The Holy Spirit) and do not produce fruit in agreement with the Spirit.

If you are feeling this same sense of anxiousness about the current state of Christianity in the United States, know you are not alone. We cannot stand by and allow ourselves to go with the flow. To be sure, I believe God is in control and there’s no need to allow ourselves to fear, but as I heard from another Christian recently, what we need to focus on now is reading the Bible to know it fully so that we will not be deceived as some have been by their failures to realize the misquotes of the Bible and not be flattered by the sound bite comments that attempt to appease the Christian voting base. Many of the financial support for these groups has come from false preachers who have grown massive followers and amassed huge amounts of money that they give to the MAGA efforts. Believers have been used by these politicians by claiming they promote the Bible and Christian values when they do not, to gain their rise to power.

Now is the time for Christians to shine the light of Christ brighter, share the Gospel, disciple others, teach from the Bible, refuse to honor mere men as idols and worship God only, trust God, not in money and wealth, help others who are all created in the image of God. As the verse above mentions light exposes the darkness, “But whoever lives by the truth, comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God” Jn. 3:21. And also, “In Him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it” Jn. 1:4. Keep shining the light of Christ against the darkness that masks as angels of light, and show the world who Jesus really is. -God Bless, Nancy

A Promise Kept

“For no word from God will ever fail”- Luke 1:37

How many times have I read the passage from Luke’s Gospel account of the Virgin Birth of Jesus and missed the verse above? I’m not sure, but I double checked today, and the verse was still there. It stood out to me a couple of days ago. Right when I needed it. Of course! I’ve found this out about God, He always has the perfect timing, with the right Bible verse when I needed it. And believer me this year I have needed them quite often. I’ll be honest it has been a tough year. I feel my anxiety growing gradually as the year has passed, and now here we are near the end of December, on the eve of Christmas, and I am feeling no joy, no peace, and no comfort.

But I keep holding on to God’s promise. It WILL get better. I’ve seen it before. My sadness, my anxiety, my fear will be replaced by the peace only Jesus gives. My heart will feel joy again and my mind will be filled with hopeful thoughts. This is just a season. I know God will come through and I take comfort in the verse above.

God made the promise to mankind way back in the book of Genesis. To send a Savior. To send a deliverer who would defeat the serpent. And when the people were least expecting Jesus’ entrance into the world, here He came in the lowliest, most unexpected way. He wasn’t born to a royal couple, yet He is a King, no birth announcements or baby showers to prepare for His arrival, but a couple who were young and ill- prepared for a birth in the middle of a government census, yet Jesus was prophesied to have the government on His shoulders in a Kingdom without end. Born in a barn, yet coming from a royal throne in Heaven, that He set aside. The power to create the world, yet in a lowly human body that would need a mother’s care to change his diaper and feed Him.

And here He came. As promised. Not in our time table, but God’s. To love a world and give His life for a wayward group of humans. Humans who always do their own thing, rebelling against God, like a rebellious teenager or determined toddler who say “No!” to what the parent knows is best for them. God kept His promise to deliver us. To defeat death. To offer hope, peace with Him and with our fellow man, joy and a love that surpasses all human relationships. He came, because of us, not despite us.

Darkness is not forever. The world was dark when Jesus came and He brought light and hope to it. Sometimes life feels like a darkness that will last forever, but it won’t. God brings us a word at the right time, maybe through the Bible, maybe through a song, or maybe through a friend. Let’s pause today and listen for that word, that promise and remember God’s word does not fail. He kept His promise and offers us salvation, restoring our broken relationship with Him, giving us hope for this life that we will be alright. Our circumstances might not be good, but God is good. And that is a promise I hold onto. Tightly. Merry Christmas and God Bless you – Nancy

Just Breathe

” Be still, and know that I am God”- Psalm 46:10- These words often remind me of my need to be still, to pause. To stop my anxious thoughts in their tracks, rest my mind and my soul and just be still.

Many exercise routines I’ve watched- notice I said watch- always remind the participant to remember to breathe. Why? It is because we get focused on what we are supposed to do, and forget to slow down and breathe. It is particularly important in exercise as it provides oxygen to the muscles so that they might perform better.

Of course we will all remember to breathe eventually, or we would pass out, but I admit I do need the reminder to stop and be more conscious of my breathing. But have you ever had life throw you an immense curve ball? Something that takes your literal breath away. I have recently with my Dad’s passing. I was blindsided by the news as I went about my daily routine. It was sudden. Instantaneous. Not expected. In a flash my Dad had died. Without a time for goodbyes. It took my breath away, and as I processed my sister in law phonically, I found my self struggling to catch my breath. But I knew just like with exercise, I needed someone to remind me to breathe, so I called my daughter and had her talk to me so I could remember to slow my breathing.

It has been about two months now, and I do at times get overwhelmed with my grief. In those times I repeat often to myself “just breathe, just breathe” and I can regain some sense of control. It isn’t always perfect, but I am taking one day at a time, moving forward slowly, taking breaks to just be still, to close my eyes and breathe. Letting God help with my sadness and grief, to comfort me in the moments I feel overwhelmed. May you find your rest today and be still. – God Bless, Nancy

A Loss For Words

It wasn’t the original destination, just an after thought. A last minute decision to take a turn through the open gates. But the after effects were overwhelming. I had not been to this cemetery before, but had only driven past. It wasn’t even near our home but about an hour’s drive away. What brought me here on this day was curiosity. My father has recently passed and my thoughts were turned to my own mortality and where my husband and I thought about being buried one day. My husband asked if I wanted to drive inside the brick walls surrounding the cemetery to check it out. I hesitated for a moment and said sure, we’re here and we have some time on the drive back home.

But, I wasn’t ready for the overwhelming display. I honestly was not prepared for the flood of tears that were triggered. As we entered through the gates, the view opened up and as far as I could see were the plain white markers. This was my very first time entering a national cemetery, the place in which veterans from the armed services, their spouses and even their children are buried. The winding drive meandered under the massive live oaks and perfectly manicured lawns. The headstones were precisely spaced as if the soldiers were still in marching formation. As we drove, more and more headstones appeared around each corner, lawns turned into large fields that looked as if they were growing and producing head stones as crops. We parked and got out of our car to inspect a few of the stones.

My first observation was that some stones were still blank, there’s simply no name on them. But then I turned around and looked at the stones behind me, and they had names. Then I realized the spouses names appeared on the back side of the veterans head stone, like an after thought. It bothered me. Yes, spouses are not military, but as a military spouse I can tell you we support the mission 100%. So, why the back side? Why not the front? I pondered the question for a while as I was overwhelmed with the scope of death I saw there. Hundreds of stones, all the same, all had served their country, all were laid to rest there. It was not the first time in a cemetery, but the first for me at a military cemetery.

We got back into our car and drove further to a shady spot under the trees and got out once again. This time the view was different, I saw blank stones, but many more with the children’s and spouses names. From this view, I could see the people behind the veterans the supporting people, the children, the wives, the husbands. From one side I could see the veteran’s names, ranks, and branch of service, but from the road I could see the spouses and children’s names. It was all about perspective. And now my perspective turned to the hundreds if not thousands of people buried at the cemetery.

My tears overwhelmed me and I found myself at a loss for words, just like those blank head stones. With no name on the back I wonder if they had anyone who would visit their grave. Anyone who cared for them. Did anyone even know they were buried there? I cried for myself and for losing my Dad that day, but I cried for all of the soldiers there and their families, the ones who had stood there, graveside as their loved one was buried. I felt their loss and my own. The tears comfort me and give my soul rest after I let them fall.

God Bless, Nancy

Shortsighted

If you grew up in church, then you probably have heard more than once the story of Esau, who for a single meal gave up his birthright. We don’t think much about birthrights here in the United States, as we believe every man, and woman for that matter, has an equal opportunity to be and live as they wish. There are no special blessings to be given just because you are the oldest. Parents tend to divide their property equally in their wills. It was very different when Esau gave up the right of blessing for a momentary filling of his stomach. I mean to be fair, we’ve all been there; so hungry we vow we would eat anything. We grab the candy bars by the check out to snack on or pull through the fast food restaurants to satisfy an immediate need for food, rather than going home and spending an hour preparing a meal. Or maybe that’s just me.

But have you ever taken the easy way or the fastest way to solve a problem because you believe it will satisfy your emotions and avoid conflict? I admit I have. Have you ever listened to bad advice and followed it without much thought, only to regret it later, like Esau selling his birthright? I have and let me share an example.

About 14 years ago, one of my uncles stopped by our house. He lived in another state, so it was really nice that during his trip to visit his sister, my mom, he stopped by for a meal. I hadn’t grown up around this uncle and my mom had only a few years before this visit, found him and was reunited with him. My mom and her two siblings had been separated as small children when they were taken away from their mom. I was very happy and excited to see him. One of military assignments had brought us to a state close to where he and his family lived and we were able to meet him for the first time and visit a few times before we moved back home. I had looked forward to his visit to our new home.

But, unfortunately my happiness turned to sadness, grief and anger after he left our house. He thought it would be best to relay gossip that he heard about me. He spared no detail and informed me that they were talking about me and the choice I made to forego college to get married. Now, he never did say who the “they” were, for he had visited my parents, my brother and his wife and my aunt, my dad’s sister. All of which lived on the same street. I didn’t even want to know who said what, although I had suspected my Aunt since she had never married and was a college professor. I was angry and hurt. I had never wanted to go to college right after high school and I also was very proud of my husband and our children. I had enjoyed being a stay at home mom while my husband served his country. My husband and I had lived an adventurous life the military had provided us. When we chose to move back to our hometown, we never expected our family to feel this way about us.

I was hurt and in my own shortsightedness decided that I could not host the big holiday meal for the entire family that year. I just couldn’t believe my own family saw my life as a failure, and wished I hadn’t gotten married and had children.

What I didn’t realize until later was that my uncle was trying to cause trouble. Eventually we had to set boundaries for him in order to protect our family. He would share inappropriate material over our social media feeds, and was himself estranged from his own grown children. But, I realized too late that I had believed his tea when he spilled it, instead of ignoring it. Over time I spoke with my mom, but she brushed me off. Ten years later as I was about to earn my master’s degree I spoke to my Aunt and she was very excited and proud of me, and it made me realize that it probably wasn’t her. My Mom never saw me earn my master’s degree but watched me as I studied for my bachelor’s degree before she died in 2014. I learned that what my uncle had said was probably not true. My parents and my Aunt were very much happy with our children and proud of my college accomplishments that I pursued later in life. I only wish that I had not listened to my Uncle, who turned out to be untrustworthy. I had lost a few years of an open, happy relationship with my Aunt and endured years of suspicion and hurt that I didn’t need to experience.

Over the years since then, I try to be more careful about what I believe when people tell me about others. I know how much misleading words can hurt. Spreading rumors might seem worthwhile, as believing the rumors can be, but remember to ask questions about the tea spiller. Are they trustworthy? Are they angry at the person they are spreading the rumors about? Are they looking for attention? Are they trying to harm you or make you feel devalued? Are they trying to create turmoil in your relationships? Its best not to react right away and consider what you know about the person that is being gossiped about. Its best to not believe the first thing you hear. You might just ruin a relationship. If you are the one someone else is gossiping about it can be difficult to clear your name and reputation. People tend to believe what they choose to believe and that is not your responsibility, Be true to who you know you are. Set boundaries if necessary to protect yourself. Allow God to be your vindicator and try to live at peace with all men as the Apostle Paul advises. God Bless Nancy

Quiet

“Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10- NIV)

I used to hate the quiet. It felt uncomfortable. I needed noise. I remember when I was in school and had homework to complete. Instead of isolating myself from the rest of my family, I would turn on the television and do my homework in front of it, with all my books littered across the living room floor. It helped me to concentrate. Or else I would play some music. The noise helped me be more productive.

I remember visiting my grandparents and how much they actually like the quiet. And the dark. Picture this; my grandparents sitting in silence, not speaking to each other while they stared out the window. As the sun faded and it was about to become too dark in their living room to see, they would finally turn on the lamp. And just like a scene from a movie, the only noise at their house was a grandfather clock and you could hear the slow ticking sound with the occasional chime, marking the hour and half hour. And they seemed to be liking it.

So, fast forward a few decades, and I catch myself sitting in my living room without a sound. No television, no music, no phone, looking out the window. But, not in the dark- I can’t do without the lights! And I am finding that I am starting to like it too just as my grandparents had. Why? Maybe my age? Maybe I’ve had too much noise before? I’ve raised three kids before after all! I’m not sure exactly. But, I do know it does wonders for my mental health. Maybe the older generations knew something they we don’t.

It isn’t always easy to be still. I want to keep busy. To keep distracted. So I don’t have to stop and overthink. To overthink and attempt to solve all my problems. This overthinking and solving becomes consuming at times and adds to my anxiety and stress. Sound familiar to you too?

The more I think the more I get stressed and worried. If only I could be quiet and not over think so much. Awe…. I get what my grandparents were doing…..shutting out the world’s noise……and being still. Stopping to enjoy the moment in silence. To stare out the window and view God’s creation and admire it. Maybe to reflect on days past, but not to be so busy they couldn’t stop and turn off the noise.

The verse above is from the Book of Psalms- one of my favorite book of the Bible. I researched the verse a bit further and found that in some versions, the verse reads “Stop fighting and know that I am God” (Christian Standard Bible) Interesting.Verse nine from the passage speaks about God’s destruction of weapons of war and of causing wars to cease. And then verse ten tells the audience to stop fighting. Verse eleven explains that God is with His people.

Did you notice it too? God ends the war and destroys the weapons and then instructs the reader to stop fighting, or be still and know that He is God. He is with His people. God had stopped the war, but the readers needed to be reminded to stop fighting. To be still. Isn’t it just like us to keep fighting in our minds, even though the war is ended? God’s got this, but we seem to forget that fact. No matter how much we keep warring in our minds- ie anxiety and worry, God is God and He knows our fighting with our own thoughts won’t change anything. That might be a stretch in interpretation of the verse, but God’s commanding the reader to be still and stop fighting seems to fit. Be quiet. Shut out the noise. Shut down the anxiety. Just let our minds be quiet. So we can reflect on God and His goodness. To stare out the window and see His creation. To see the goodness in what He has done for our enjoyment.

When we quiet ourselves, something else happens; we can listen for His voice. The still, small voice of God, guiding and directing us. Helping us. Don’t let the noise and busyness drown Him out. – God Bless – Nancy

Things I Don’t Understand

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy- Proverbs 31: 8-9, NIV Bible

I admit that I had to look twice today when I saw the verse above in a Facebook post. Wait, I thought Proverbs chapter 31 was about the wife of noble character, I don’t remember this part. I squinted at the Scripture reference and yup, it listed Proverbs 31. Hmm, didn’t know this was part of it, let me check it out. And Yes, it is Proverbs 31: v 8 and 9. And yes it is important.

The post I saw today was referencing the 18th anniversary of the forced death of a young woman named Terri Schaivo. It was a great tragedy and injustice for her family. She was a woman who after an injury had been bed ridden, receiving her nutrients through feeding tubes. Her husband no longer wished to take care of her and won the right to withhold food and water from her, which ultimately ended her life two weeks later.

I remember this drama as it played out on the news. The parents fought for the right to continue care, but sadly lost the legal battle. I wish I could say that this is an isolated event, happening years before legal rights and inclusive rights became a buzz word.

But, it keeps going on, turning a blind eye to the rights of the loved ones involved in cases such as these. Parents of children with compromised physical and or intellectual health have little to no rights in protecting their children. It is as if we as a society have returned to the days of the Roman Empire, when unwanted children could be left out on rocks to perish to the elements.

I really have a difficult time understanding this lack of compassion, especially towards children. And those who are disabled or medically vulnerable. This hits me personally in many ways. I have learned that modern medicine is very much profit driven, rather than compassion driven. And I volunteer with a group of intellectually challenged adults, who amaze me everyday. To think that a court could decide whether they have worth or value is beyond my scope of understanding.

I just don’t understand. The cruelty of people. The greed of some. The heartlessness of others. Rules and legalities should be beneficial and protective, but it seems at times the only ones benefiting are the greedy, proud, and selfish. They turn a blind eye to the cries of the poor and helpless. They protect big business and the rich.

But as long as I am able, I will take the advice of Proverbs 31 and speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. Humans were created with value, purpose and worth. We are all made in the image of God. Let us not try to wipe out these images. They are loved as much as whole, healthy people. Let us speak up, protect, and support the families of those who are physically and intellectually vulnerable. Whether young or elderly. Let us not forget the evil being done, yet forgive. Let us pray for those who put profit over patients. I may not ever understand the depth of depravity or self deception it takes to purposely end a life, but I keep hope that someday this practice will end.- God Bless You- Nancy

Pursuing God

Have you ever heard of FOMO? It’s an acronym that stands for FEAR OF MISSING OUT and some days I believe I am its biggest supporter. I am always plagued by the thoughts of “What if I miss this opportunity?” or “What if I can’t find this item again?” or the biggest for me, in terms of purchasing, “What if I miss the sale on this item?”

Sadly, I often fall into this fear trap. Mostly because I have missed out on opportunities and only realized it too late. And I vow not to let it happen again. When I miss out on something, I am disappointed to be sure and added to that is regret. Learning to live with being disappointed is a great life lessons for us all. We simply cannot have everything we want in the way, or terms in which we want. We will miss out and we will have regrets in life. I believe once we realize this, life will become easier to deal with.

Life isn’t always about what makes us happy. God has a better plan for our lives that sometimes leads us to missing out on something. We can stay disappointed or regretful, or learn to shake it off and learn to trust God and His timing.

I write this as though I have this part all figured out, but I can firmly answer “No, I have not.”I am not always sure how to deal with these disappointments of missing out. So, that provides the tinder if you will to ignite the fires of FOMO in my mind.

God says to fear not in several spots in the Bible. Recently, I received an email with the verse of the day. It was from Isaiah 41:

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Is. 41:10, NIV).

It made me stop and think whether or not I was in a state of fear. Well, probably like most people, the world’s economy has made us all anxious and fearful. But, no, what specifically am I fearful about I wondered. Is God trying to get my attention?

Have you ever noticed that God can get His Word to you in unique ways? Like from reading an article, or blog, or from a friend or from an email. I have learned to pay attention to these over the years.

So, the reason for the FOMO post today. It really comes down answering the simple question, Am I pursuing God, or pursuing self? If I am pursuing what I believe God has for me, then there is no fear of missing out. If I am driven by pursuing my own wants, than there will be fear that if I don’t make this happen, it won’t happen. I am not saying that God acts like a puppet master, forcing us to do His bidding, but rather, when I pursue God, there is peace, not fear. There is trust not anxiety.

When I pursue my own wants, I can feel the fear rise up in my mind. And it becomes difficult to make a good decision. All of the “what if’s” seem to clutter my thoughts in those moments. I have learned the best thing to do at those moments is to pause, let the decision set for a moment, followed by seeking, or pursuing God. This is either through prayer, or reading the Bible; usually a combination of both.

I also find that I am better at dealing with this FOMO when I am well rested and not rushed by others. I know these are my weakest times, so it is best to not make decisions then. Staying more focused on God regularly also helps to fend off the FOMO’s in my life.

Remember, God is with us and for us. He hasn’t left us alone to figure it all out. Take time today to pursue Him when you are falling for the FOMO’s. Take care and God Bless You- Nancy

Forsaken

The park was busy and full of people. Vendors lined the sidewalks, selling their unique creations to pay some bills. Children played and college students threw Frisbees. The dog owners played with their dogs. Others strolled hand in hand, glowing in their euphoria of newly discovered love. Others, the homeless beggars, held up signs asking for a donation. Each person had a reason to be there that day, sharing the sunny, but cooler weather outside. But, as I too, had ventured out for a walk through the park that day, I noticed the two women.

Their circumstances, other than the fact they were both in the park that day, could not have been further apart. I imagined for a moment what they must be thinking. The first woman clutched the worn scarf close to her throat to protect herself from the cold wind gust. Her coat was thin and inadequate for the weather in January.

There was a scowl on her face and she barely looked up from the sidewalk. It appeared that she did not dare to make any eye contact with anyone. She seemed lost in her own thoughts, that had taken her to another place and time. She spoke a few words as I passed by her, but not to me, just to the person she was with. It was not a kind tone, but rather angry.

Why was she angry? I could only imagine what she was angry about. Was she mad at the person next to her? Was she bitter at the lot life had dealt her? Was she hiding pain in her life that came out as anger and bitterness? Was she blaming the other person, or herself, or maybe even God? Had she felt forsaken and lost?

The second woman I saw also wore a scarf around her neck to protect herself from the cold wind. The sun must have felt warm on her face as she closed her eyes for a moment and smiled. She opened her eyes and looked up in time to see the first woman. She probably heard her complaining as had I. She raised her eyebrows in wonder, as if to ask the question; “I wonder what is bothering her?” She might have been considering the differences between the two of them as I had. I wondered if she would have wanted to change places with her, but I thought better about it when she turned towards me and smiled.

She was the complete opposite of the first woman, the one who was scowling and complaining. She smiled at me and nodded as if to say, yeah I heard that woman too, and yeah she must have some real problems going on. We exchanged this moment of nods and smiles. On the ground beside her was a sign, scribbled across a piece of cardboard. She appeared to have nothing, but she had so much more than the first woman. She had peace.

The first woman should have had that peace too, but didn’t. She looked as if she had enough of everything. The beautiful silk scarf, purchased years ago, but still her favorite. The beautiful woven coat. The stomach filled with food and a companion to stroll the park with. She had glanced down at the second woman, but darted her gaze away as the woman had smiled at her. Just the moment before, she had seen her with eyes closed tilt her head back and smile. “What could she possibly smile at?” she wondered, but realized that this woman was probably happier than she was at that moment. The thought bothered her and she looked away as the woman had opened her eyes and smiled back at her.

We never really know what another person is thinking. We also do not understand what they are going through or have been through. Appearances deceive us. Those with the most, sometimes are the least likely to be content. At peace with themselves and others. Even at peace with God. Those with peace sometimes have the least.

Sometimes we might feel as though our circumstances are what defines us. We might think the universe has dealt us a bad hand. Someone is to blame and we are constantly trying to figure out who to blame. If we blame ourselves, we learn to turn that inward towards ourselves. We call ourselves names or harm our self. If we blame others, we will be bitter and angry. We will explode outward towards others or even hurt them. We try to deal with this pain. If we blame God, we will avoid Him at all costs. Deny Him, avoid church or leave church. Argue with those from churches or who call themselves Christians. We will do everything that goes against God and what His word says.

The problem with these approaches is that it rarely solves anything. The more blaming we do, the less happy we are. We are convinced this is our lot in life. We make no room for enjoyment. We keep walking forward, eyes cast down and a scowl on our faces. We don’t want to think about anything good happening to us or to others around us. We feel forsaken and we prefer to stay there in that place rather than moving past our circumstances. We like our discontent and after awhile it becomes too comfortable to give up.

We might even find others who also feel forsaken and unhappy and play the “my pain and problems are worse than yours” game. We up the ante, building upon the negativity in each other’s lives. Misery loves company as they say.

But, it really doesn’t have to be like this. The Bible is filled with promises that God will not forsake us. He is with us and cares for us and about us. Hebrews states that “God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5, NIV) Deuteronomy adds “Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid or terrified of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Dt. 31:6) and Jesus said, “And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20.

These are just three verses that remind us that God is with us. We don’t have to let circumstances tell us the lie that we are alone and have to figure it all out ourselves. Stuff happens. But God is still there. We don’t have to live in bitterness and anger. We don’t have to feel forsaken. We can find peace and contentment, despite our circumstances. Letting go of the hurts and pains and giving them to God is the first step. God Bless – Nancy