Tag: death

Searching For Words

What words can you share with those embracing the most painful moment of their lives? Is there any right words to offer? Any precise Bible verse or poem that would erase the pain and the sense of loss when a loved one passes? Many of us try to offer something to give hope, to comfort or to fill in that awkward silence when we come to meet the grieving face to face. It might end up being awkward, or unbeknownst hurtful to those that are deeply missing the one they loved.

I have heard many of these hurtful phrases myself as well as from the grieving, the group of people whom I have found myself recently aiding through their grief as a volunteer grief counselor. What always happens as they share what people have said that hurt them, was their appreciation that at least someone would approach them and offer something. Their deepest hurts came from those who they thought would have come forward to share a word, were surprisingly silent. The silence hurt more, than the awkward phrases.

I find myself here in this place now over the passing of a newborn within our extended family. My head cannot grasp any meaning that I can offer to say or to write to the young couple. In this modern age of AI and medical advancements, how is this possible? But, I stop myself from considering all the possibilities and sensibilities of how and why God has allowed this, to the realization; I just don’t know. And I can be okay with not knowing, and I can be okay with just offering an “I sorry” to the couple. I am grieving and sad, as is the whole extended family, as someone we never met in person as we live apart from the couple, has brought us grief and affected our lives by his very existence. He was and is created in the image of God, the Imago Dei. He took a breath and met his mom and dad, grandparents, brother, and his cousin, all who were able to hold him and see him as a reflection of both his parents. His life was brief, but he was loved, named and precious as all babies are, yet his life was too short.

So much happens in this life, both good, and bad, joyful and sad, that are lives seem to be a continuous rollercoaster ride of emotions. There is also so much we do not and will not understand this side of Heaven. When we try to make sense of all this, we can find it impossible to find peace, but only when we surrender our needing to know and replacing it with not knowing, we find the peace we look for. When we simply trust God, we can find peace. Trust isn’t always easy, especially when are hearts are breaking and our minds are reeling, but simply speaking out loud to God and telling Him “I don’t understand this, my heart is breaking, but yet I will trust you”

A verse comes to mind from the Gospel of Mark, from a distraught father who asked Jesus to heal his son and Jesus told him everything was possible if you believe. The father’s response “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief” (Mark 9:24 NIV). There are many times when I need to repeat this, I Do belief Jesus, but help my unbelief. He gets it. He understands. He wept over His friend Lazarus’ death. He wept over the city of Jerusalem. He became one of us and felt the pain we feel. We can trust Him with our pain and our grief, even when there are no words. He knows our pain and offers comfort beyond any words we can offer to others, or receive from others. He is the peace we seek. God Bless- Nancy

More

We live in a world that feels like there is always something ‘more’ to be acquired. Something more to be bought. Something more to be done. Some might call it greed at first glance, claiming that we are never satisfied with what we currently have and are always desiring what someone else has that we don’t yet have.

Some blame social media and how easy it is to fall into the comparison trap. Some might say we are all a sinful, greedy, and jealous people who need to rid ourselves of such self- centered sin. The spiritual side might reveal the obvious that we have the God- shaped space within us that can only be satisfied with a personal relationship with God to bring us the ultimate satisfaction and deliverance from the pursuit of more.

While I agree with all of the above to one degree or another, let me pose a different perspective. One that has struck me since the passing of my father last year. What if just maybe, God has designed us with this “more” factor; this hard wired in our personalities, or spirit’s to desire “more”. What if we have been given this innate sense that there IS more to this life than this moment and place in time.

It makes sense to me when I think of the delicate and intricate patterns within the physical design of our bodies. The complexity and functionality of the cell, multiplied many times over with slight variations according to a cell’s purpose. Our bodies work like well- oiled machines and mini factories if you will. I am convinced this complex and wonderful design is not by chance or evolution. Several examples of these cellular factories demonstrate an interdependence upon being formed at the exact same moment, otherwise one part would cease to exist, preventing the proper function of another part. They simply had to be created at the same moment, and not by evolution.

Given this wonder and miracle of human design and mankind’s ability to reason, communicate and have self- awareness, our lives surely are worth more than a compact 70 years (if we are fortunate) and then a complete and total obliteration into the nothingness of the cosmos. We are made for more, not less than our design value.

I have seen the great cathedrals and castles of Europe and the great houses and monuments here in the United States and they have long outlived their builders, but even with the great works of architecture, there was a builder and designer.

Mankind is given a gift to design and build and imitate our Creator, but we are also created in His image and created for not just this limited life, but an after life, an eternal life.

This is what I believe we are looking for and sensing, that there is more. There is a sense of right and wrong (a moral law) that is also given to us by our Creator. We have very similar senses of right and wrong regardless of cultures. There are cultural differences, please don’t get me wrong, but as philosophers like to term it, “gratuitous evil” is not acceptable in the majority of worldviews. Where does this come from? It is not left over from a survival view, since the survival of the fittest, tends to eliminate the weakest first, but actually cannot be demonstrated. Evolution is a theory, not a proven fact.

So what if we are designed for more? Preprogrammed to hold fast to the notion that this life is not all there is. That for a loved one to be separated from us through death, feels wrong, because it IS wrong. If we are designed in the image of God, than doesn’t it stand to reason that we can be eternal as well, that there is more to us than the physical shell that holds within it a body, but also a spiritual and mental capacity dimension that is held within yet not anchored with the physical body? When we die our spirit and soul lives on as our physical form dies.

So, is this desire for more come from a place of wanting the wrongs of this world made right, for justice to be served and recompense given? For a reuniting with our passed loved ones? Is this why we grieve? Is this why we pursue acting well as a responsible person? Do we deep down know there is more to come than our current state? I believe there is. Just something to ponder for today. God Bless, Nancy

Believing Is Seeing

I recently ran across an article from 2019, that investigated the claims of a young man that was suing his father. The young man had been in a terrible car accident that nearly killed him, At the time of the accident, the boy was quite young, and his parents were approached to write a book about his miraculous recovery, a recovery that claimed the young boy had died, went to Heaven and repeatedly had visions of angels. Sadly, the boy’s parents divorced and now the young man lives with his mom. Both are suing the father for allegedly fabricating the entire story for his own financial benefit. When interviewed the father denied any fabrication and insists that God knows what happened and that there is no need for him to defend himself over his actions.

What saddened me the most about the article is that the publisher, Tyndale House, took the book out of print out of fear, when the son and mom denied the events happened and it couldn’t be backed up theologically by the publisher’s experts. The theologians said it simply couldn’t have happened as portrayed in the story. Hmm, Is that true? It makes me wonder. We consider God as unchanging in His nature. The bible speaks clearly to this matter, yet, we as humans try to keep God contained in a small package. A package that lists what God can and cannot do. We assume that God in our modern time frame does not do miracles, show up in a burning bush, or tell people to build arks in the desert anymore. In the past He used hands to write on walls, spoke through donkeys and healed people. But what about now? In 2023?

So, is it not possible that God still does these sorts of things? Do we really think that we are the ones who have outgrown a God who does the impossible? Has God retired from the miraculous and impossible? Must we follow the theological interpretations of a select few? Yes, of course I believe in proper theological exegetic of Bible passages, but notice I mention proper. Too many people call themselves experts, but fail to understand context. They believe that God’s work that cannot be explained must be negated. They don’t trust experiential evidence of faith encounters. Why? because they cannot explain them. And because they cannot explain them, they put themselves at risk of being questioned over their expertise and mastery of the Bible. So, it is easier to dismiss, rather than believe.

So, what do you think? Does God still perform miracles? Does He still call people through extraordinary ways? Do people visit Heaven and come back, after being resuscitated? Do people see angels? Do people see Jesus? If they should is that a bad thing? After all, Thomas, one of Jesus’ disciples, told the others, that he couldn’t believe in a resurrection without seeing Jesus first hand. And if you know the story, Jesus gladly showed Thomas His scars and let Him touch them. To see if it was all true. Maybe some people need to see to believe a bit better. Maybe for some faith is not blind, but based upon seeing what they believe.

I suspect, that if the truth comes out about the bitter divorce from the article I read, the son is protecting his mom and the mom is simply bitter for being left by her husband. Tragic events, such as the accident that was the result of the father behind the wheel, might have led to a mom’s bitterness. That bitterness can become rooted and grown into resentment. A resentment that the son grew up around and began to change his perspective of his father. What should have been an amazing story of God’s interaction with a child who was injured, led to finger pointing and a broken family. And that is the real tragedy. God Bless, Nancy

Things I Don’t Understand

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy- Proverbs 31: 8-9, NIV Bible

I admit that I had to look twice today when I saw the verse above in a Facebook post. Wait, I thought Proverbs chapter 31 was about the wife of noble character, I don’t remember this part. I squinted at the Scripture reference and yup, it listed Proverbs 31. Hmm, didn’t know this was part of it, let me check it out. And Yes, it is Proverbs 31: v 8 and 9. And yes it is important.

The post I saw today was referencing the 18th anniversary of the forced death of a young woman named Terri Schaivo. It was a great tragedy and injustice for her family. She was a woman who after an injury had been bed ridden, receiving her nutrients through feeding tubes. Her husband no longer wished to take care of her and won the right to withhold food and water from her, which ultimately ended her life two weeks later.

I remember this drama as it played out on the news. The parents fought for the right to continue care, but sadly lost the legal battle. I wish I could say that this is an isolated event, happening years before legal rights and inclusive rights became a buzz word.

But, it keeps going on, turning a blind eye to the rights of the loved ones involved in cases such as these. Parents of children with compromised physical and or intellectual health have little to no rights in protecting their children. It is as if we as a society have returned to the days of the Roman Empire, when unwanted children could be left out on rocks to perish to the elements.

I really have a difficult time understanding this lack of compassion, especially towards children. And those who are disabled or medically vulnerable. This hits me personally in many ways. I have learned that modern medicine is very much profit driven, rather than compassion driven. And I volunteer with a group of intellectually challenged adults, who amaze me everyday. To think that a court could decide whether they have worth or value is beyond my scope of understanding.

I just don’t understand. The cruelty of people. The greed of some. The heartlessness of others. Rules and legalities should be beneficial and protective, but it seems at times the only ones benefiting are the greedy, proud, and selfish. They turn a blind eye to the cries of the poor and helpless. They protect big business and the rich.

But as long as I am able, I will take the advice of Proverbs 31 and speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. Humans were created with value, purpose and worth. We are all made in the image of God. Let us not try to wipe out these images. They are loved as much as whole, healthy people. Let us speak up, protect, and support the families of those who are physically and intellectually vulnerable. Whether young or elderly. Let us not forget the evil being done, yet forgive. Let us pray for those who put profit over patients. I may not ever understand the depth of depravity or self deception it takes to purposely end a life, but I keep hope that someday this practice will end.- God Bless You- Nancy

Grieving at Christmas

It was 6 a.m. when the call came. My husband was still asleep so I slipped into the bathroom to answer my phone so as to not disturb him. It was a call I had been expecting, but not on this morning. I turned the light on, shut the door and groggily said “hello”. It was Christmas morning. December 25. A day of celebration. A day of happy family time together. Of presents shared and food. But, it wasn’t a day to celebrate for me. My mom had just died. On Christmas morning.

While others would be waking up and anticipating the joy. My heart was broken. I decided to not tell our kids- teenagers at the time- until after they had opened their gifts and had their Christmas breakfast- a mixture of special sweets and candy, I didn’t want to steal their joy. To take away or diminish their day. Even though my joy was completely gone. I felt empty and helpless. And numb.

Usually I would be writing of the joy of Christmas, the hope found in a relationship with Jesus at this advent of Christmas. But I know that many of you are hurting this Christmas. Your joy is missing. You are going through the motions of celebrating Christmas, but you heart is just not in it. You are in pain. Your loved one is gone. And you miss them terribly. It is difficult to celebrate. The world is moving around you, but you are stuck in the place of grief.

I can tell you. It will get better. The hurt will fade a little. Memories that make you cry now, will make you laugh with joy. If not today then someday. When you have had time to heal. From your loss. You loved this person who is not with you now. So it is okay to miss them. Even when we know, in our minds at least, that they are better now, that they are celebrating Christmas in Heaven. It is still okay to miss them. It is okay to cry.

In my helpless moment on that Christmas now 8 years ago, I found one thing I could do. We packed into our mini van and drove to the beach. On the way out the door, I grabbed the bouquet of flowers off the table. I needed to do something. To not feel helpless. My parents lived several hours away, so I knew I would be making travel plans later. But there was nothing I could do today, on Christmas Day. But I needed to do something, something that I could feel control over. So, my drive to the ocean- about forty -five minutes, felt like the answer.

We rode in silence, my hands firmly gripping the flowers. We weren’t the only ones there. People were running, playing and celebrating. But I wasn’t. I had formed a plan on the drive. I would throw the flowers into the ocean and say a prayer. We each took a flower from the bouquet and tossed them into the water. We watch as the waves took them down the beach and some out into the ocean. It was my way to say goodbye to my mom. It gave me some control over my grief that day.

We also wrote out my mom’s name in the sand with her epitaph. Her dates of living. One person walked past and saw what we had written and softly said, “I’m sorry” That helped me that day. We have been making the same trip every Christmas since.

It has been a way to remember her. Remember the past year and reflect and pray. And that is the one thing I want to offer you today. It is okay to do something to remember your loved one at Christmas. Place a special ornament on your tree, Visit the ocean or another quiet place. Don’t be afraid to slow down from all the busyness of Christmas. Allow yourself some time to grieve. Grief is a journey. It is not a destination. There will be times, even years from now when you will find yourself crying. It is okay.

Pray. Often. Ask God for comfort. Ask God to send friends to comfort us. We need it. We don’t have to grieve alone. God does understand our grief; our pain. He became one of us. He hurt. He wept. But because He became a man, in Jesus, we can have this hope. The hope that we will see our loved one again. Through your tears, may you hold on tightly to this hope. It is the message of Christmas. Death robs us. Jesus comes to make it right. He came to defeat death. It is worth celebrating, even through our tears. God bless you – Nancy

Letting Go of The Past

The wooden posts were firmly embedded in the dirt. They were joined together by another beam of wood across the top of the posts. But the sign that should have hung to these posts was missing. The sign that should have been advertising the business to the traveler along the roadside. The car moved quickly past the barren sign post and on to the next view; the torn and tattered awning, now fallen in front of the door. The windows were dingy and the outline of a florescent sign “pizza” could be found through the dirty glass. I turned my head and saw another view across the street as a freshly painted building gave hope that there was still life in this town. It was a familiar town to visit as I had grown up here. But it had changed; I had changed.

I smirked a bit, not in a bad way, but just to acknowledge the irony of the situation. Death had brought me here on this trip and it was the death, or near death, of my hometown that I saw all around me. Someone once wrote that you can’t go back again and I now realize that they were right.

At least partially. YOU can go back, but it will never be the place you left. It always changes. Sometimes there is growth as a town expands and becomes a small city. But at other locations, like my hometown, there is death. The town once had a fundraiser to fix up the town park. Families were invited to purchase a brick that would form a pathway to the refurbished gazebo in the center of the park. Now, the bricks are faded, names on the bricks barely able to be read. There are weeds between the bricks and areas that have been heaved and shifted as the trees and their roots disturbed the once straight, smooth path.

I often consider finding our named brick and digging it out, now that we no longer live here. But, I never can seem to find it. The name must have faded too. And as we moved further away, the connections to the town faded as well. Until death brings us back.

This trip would be a trip to see family that remained in the town and to retrieve a small desk that preserved my memories of my Aunt who had passed away. This little desk had been a piece by her front door, that for as long as I could remember was always by her front door, even in her previous house, a house I often visited as a child. It kept things in order for me. And I guess having this little desk would keep a little piece of her, or at least a memory of her close to me. She had been an important and inspiring part of my childhood. She was a world traveler and a university professor. I loved visiting her classroom on campus and walking around this huge school. She would always send me postcards on her travels and bring back souvenirs for me from all these neat places. She inspired my own love of travel.

Since we were in town, we also learned of the death of a young man, that through marriage had been our niece’s husband. The calling hours would be when we were visiting, so we went. Once again death seemed to be all around this trip. The young man had lived in our town and many of the people he had grown up with; classmates and school teachers, were all there. Our old neighbors were there as well.

Just for a moment as we struck up conversations and reunited with our neighbors, our children’s teachers, and family there, the gap of time seemed to have disappeared. It was like we had time traveled. Some had changed, with more gray hair and more wrinkles than I had remembered, but they all recognized my husband and I. It was both reassuring, yet different. We were not a part of their town anymore; we had moved and moved on. But it was still nice to hold on to this piece of nostalgia of neighbors, friends, and community. The community that can be missing now that we live in a larger city.

But things change. No matter how much I want them to stay the same, everything seems to change. Businesses close, businesses are bought, names fade, memories fade, paint chips and fades on buildings, people we love pass away. And through it all, we must move on, moving forward.

Moving forward is not a bad thing if we realize the growth we can find in the process. The past is full of memories of people, places and events that have shaped us. They have made a difference in our life and of whom we have become. Life is a journey and our faith grows in the journey.

But what makes the most difference is how we let our circumstances affect us in this faith journey.There can be pain in the past, or joy that we can learn from. We will make mistakes as we travel on this journey of faith and growth, as we are not perfect people.

When I think about moving past the past, as growing in our faith, I think about the apostle Paul who said, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead” (Philippians 3:12-13, NIV).

So, even an Apostle, who wrote most of the New Testament, admitted his own need to keep pressing on past the past to grow in faith. Growing in his relationship with God. And he had quite a bit to move past, as a former persecutor of the church. He was himself responsible for the imprisonments and deaths of early church Christians, even women. On one of his rounding up of Christians,he met Jesus, and his life was forever changed. He would no longer attempt to stop a movement that he once considered blasphemous, but actually grow the church. His past was in the past, as Jesus called him to move forward into his new role as evangelist to the Gentiles.

And after several years of preaching the Gospel, he still realized he had more growth to go as he wrote to the church in Philippi to encourage them. He realized that his faith journey was not an instant perfection, there would be growth and a need to move forward. Straining forward as he writes, similar to a runner reaching out to the finish line of a race. He couldn’t stay attached to the past, whether to mull over all the terrible things he had done to Christians in the past, or to bask in his own accomplishments of planting churches and preaching. There was more to look forward to.

And as much as I would like the landmarks of my own hometown to remain untouched, so I can go back a visit with everything remaining intact, I know it is impossible. It makes me sad to see the death of the past, a past that brings happy memories, but I trust God has even more new memories that I can make. Someday, I too will be a part of someone’s memory. I hope I will affect others and point them to Christ so that they will will remember me. Maybe they will remember a desk by my front door. God bless you – Nancy

Tough Stuff

This week has been a challenging one. Some of you know that I am in the graduate program at Liberty University studying Christian Apologetics. Graduate school has it challenges with the amount of reading and writing required, but sometimes it can be quite difficult when asked to give personal reflections. This week’s assignment was no exception. The class required a personal theodicy of suffering. Why does God allow suffering? What good can come of it, and why aren’t Christians free from the pain and suffering of this world? I decided to share just a small excerpt from the paper here that maybe someone might get the help they need from it.

“Is there purpose in the pain suffered in this life? It is evident that in this life there will be pain and suffering. This pain might be physical or emotional but the effects are the same; suffering hurts. Since Christians hold to the belief that God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent, it seems hard to grasp why a loving God who could take away all the evil that causes pain and suffering would not do so. It is especially difficult to come to terms when the suffering is personal, rather than just a textbook illustration, or something that is happening to others, rather than self. But this life is full of hardships, difficulties, pain and suffering.”

What we can hold onto is that we might not ever know the purpose for the pain and suffering of life. We just do not have the ability to understand things as God does. We can try to formulate a bunch of reasons, but often we speak before we think. The only thing that we can be sure of is that God loves us unconditionally. He Himself understands our grief and sorrow. It was God the Father who sent Jesus to the cross to suffer on our behalf. It was Jesus who willingly did so, because of His love for us. Such suffering appears unjustifiable, because Jesus had not done anything wrong. Yet, His love for us prompted Him to do the Father’s will, even if it meant undergoing painful physical suffering.We can be reassured that God understands pain and suffering and is with us in it. Although we might not ever know the reasons, we can trust that God knows. We can also trust Him. We don’t always have to know the why’s in life. God comes beside us and comforts us in times of hurt. We do not always feel it. Sometimes it feels like the silence is deafening. We try to have hope, but it is hard to do so. Hope is only hope when it is unseen according to the Apostle Paul (Romans 8:24-25). We hold onto hope for a future in heaven when we will see our loved ones again and the wrongs of life will be made right. However, its important to remember that God has eliminated evil and suffering in the world through Christ. It does,however, remain to be fully implemented when Jesus returns. We live in the midst of victory, yet while the world remains in a chaotic state. The current state contains pain and suffering, sometimes unjustifiable and lacking any comprehensible reason for it. Someday, all this will make sense and will be a distant memory. We will be free of pain and suffering and live forever with God, as He originally intended. In the mean time, we have hope, which is everything. God Bless- Nancy