Default

What kind of person are you? I mean really! What kind of person are you? Are you positive, or negative? Do you look for the silver lining in the clouds, or see just the storm and rains? We all seem to have a default setting. The setting we have allowed to program our thinking and reactions to our circumstances. But, can we change our defaults? I believe so, but it will take effort on our part.

Recently, my husband and I have been reading through a couples communication study. The author, who is a respected psychologist, offers questions for couples to consider to aid in their understanding of their communication styles. Yes, we all have different styles of communicating. And it doesn’t just refer to how much or how little we talk, but what words we choose. It is also based upon our preferred learning styles. My husband is primarily an auditory learner, while I am a visual learner.

One of the recent topics we have read about is the need to focus on what works in our communication over what needs improvement. It might seem counter- intuitive, but it is what athletes do in order to regain ground after a slump in their performance. Focus on what you are doing right and not what you’re not doing so right.

I believe this can be true of our communication with others as well, not just with our spouses. It is way too easy to look only at the problems we see in society- in our neighbors, co-workers, schools, communities, etc. and not see what IS working. To find the good in others, and not default to the negative aspects. Anyone can find faults to complain about. Commentators and critiques have found ways to make their judgements on the failures of others into jobs. Whether in sports, business or politics, finding fault is an industry. We even sometimes refer to these critics as analysts. But, in our striving to find faults and solutions, we really need to look at what is being done right. What works. Work on strengths, not weaknesses. God Bless- Nancy