ask for help – Moving Forward

Honestly, can we talk? Or should I say, can we talk honestly, openly, without putting on any pretenses? I think honesty is becoming more difficult to find everyday. here in the US where I live it appears as if honesty has gone out the window in politics to be replaced by outright lies and exaggerations. Some call it just for effect and it is just a part of playing the political game. But in an age where artificial intelligence is changing what we see and making us questions what is real, let me challenge you (and me) to be more open and honest. I write this today after three events which have shaped my thinking on the subject of honesty.

First, as I was working on part of my doctoral program, one of the requirements was to give an honest reflective position on whether the program we had research for a church revitalization project is something we would actually attempt and why or why not. I answered the reflective portion honestly, that “no” I probably wouldn’t implement my plan for a particular church for revitalization and listed the reasons why. My professor graded the paper and explained he was refreshed by my courage to be honest and how it is “rare to see honesty these days, keep it up”.

Second event happened as a casual comment from a four year old. Now, if you don’t know what four year olds are, well they are brutally honest sometimes. They do not have the filters that we as adults learn to use in conversations. This particular four year old mentioned that she had overheard that I was peaceful and quiet. Which I happily agree with. At least on the surface. I want to come off as a peaceful person and I admit that my New England roots have ingrained themselves in me so that I am quiet around those I do not know well. I have a softer voice and that tends to make people lean in to listen more closely. It is not intentional, just nature and nurture.

Third event, happened just today down my street. Without fully knowing all the details, a swarm of police cars swarmed around a home and now there is police tape blocking the front yard. I was told that it was an apparent suicide of a new neighbor.

What do these all have in common? Honesty. What my professor didn’t understand is that when I wrote my paper I was so stressed out and a bit angry, because I disagreed with the way the program for revitalization was being led by a different church. I thought I had a better idea than they did, and I realized there wasn’t any room within their plan for my ideas.

Secondly, what the four year old had overheard was another adult commenting on me, and they. really haven’t seen what really happens in my life. In reality, I get very stressed out at times and in reality I am like a duck swimming on a pond, calm on the outside, but underneath the surface of the water, I am paddling like crazy and overtired from all my paddling.

In the third event, it is difficult to grasp what is happening in my own neighborhood, which appears great on the outside, nice homes, older residents, peaceful, and quiet, compared with other places we have lived. But it really goes to show, we really do not know what is happening in other peoples’ lives.

We all struggle from time to time, even me, and I think we need to be honest with others, rather than try to put on a brave face to the world. It is okay to need help and ask for it. It is okay to be real and share your opinions with others. We do not have to be deceptive. the Bible teaches that God does not like lying, boasting or bragging. It also mentions that we need to be honest. Ephesians 4:25 mentions “Therefore you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body” (NIV). In context, this passage is describing the relationships between church members and relationships with those outside the church body. But the principle is the same, be honest, don’t lie or be deceitful. Be real. If you are struggling tell someone. Don’t reward lying or brush it off as part of the game to be played. Act more like Christ, putting off the old self and putting on the new (Eph. 4:22). Let’s get real! God bless you -Nancy

Lately I’ve been thinking about social media and how its shaped our lives. Wait… don’t scroll by and assume I’m bashing technology and media. I’m not. But, I’m really wondering if we can still talk. I mean, has the art of conversation disappeared? And I’m not talking about sitting around and just talking, but being social, you know, the social of social media. The sharing of our lives with others. The pictures, the updates, the good stuff. And might I add the “real” of our lives, not the perfectly staged pictures of our lives. And I’m not talking about younger generations here, but people closer to my own. It seems to me they can be the worst offenders. Social media can be a great way to keep up with others and share your life with them. We do not all live in the same town or same state or same country anymore, so keeping in touch through media is a great way to stay connected.

But, I’ve been noticing over the last few years how awful some social media sites have gotten. We have reduced it all to political ads and one liners. We’ve all shared those cute cat or dog videos, or nice encouraging phrases or Bible verses, but really it seems its gotten to a whole new level recently. It seems like we all try to find that perfectly succinct phrase that is like a check-mate. It’s not encouraging; its just like boom! That’s it! The answer to it all, the drop the mic, the “I’ve topped you all in my comments here!” And I’ll be honest, when I read those, I think, “Wow, are they mad at me? or wow that sounds like they are talking about me.” Some suggest if you read posts like that and feel guilty, maybe you’re harboring unforgivness or something. But really, can we as imperfect people really have the perfect anecdote to life? Why are we trying to outdo each other all the time? Do we really think we are better than others?

As a Christian, being accused of thinking I’m better than others comes with the territory. That is, a whole lot of people think that’s how we (Christians) think of ourselves. But… the reality is that’s not not what the Bible teaches. Philippians is a great book of the Bible to read if you want to understand how we should think of ourselves. Here’s just a part:

“If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also the interests of others” (Philippians 2:1-4, New International Version).

So, there you have the real answer, from the Apostle Paul… be humble, think of others better than yourselves, don’t be vain, conceited or selfish. But, wait a minute, why WAS Paul writing this to a bunch of people in Philippi? I mean there wasn’t social media back then? Well, as advanced as we become, the problem of human nature is still the same, whether its the first century or the 21st.

So my challenge in this new year is to not drop out of social media, but make it better, by sharing life with each other, not to impress others, but to share what God is doing in our lives, to reach out when we need encouragement or prayer, to ask for help, and to offer real hope, the real anecdote, found in Christ, not one liners or cute memes. Let’s not ghost each other or even leave social media. Let’s keep those connections to each other, and let’s talk. -God Bless- Nancy