What words can you share with those embracing the most painful moment of their lives? Is there any right words to offer? Any precise Bible verse or poem that would erase the pain and the sense of loss when a loved one passes? Many of us try to offer something to give hope, to comfort or to fill in that awkward silence when we come to meet the grieving face to face. It might end up being awkward, or unbeknownst hurtful to those that are deeply missing the one they loved.
I have heard many of these hurtful phrases myself as well as from the grieving, the group of people whom I have found myself recently aiding through their grief as a volunteer grief counselor. What always happens as they share what people have said that hurt them, was their appreciation that at least someone would approach them and offer something. Their deepest hurts came from those who they thought would have come forward to share a word, were surprisingly silent. The silence hurt more, than the awkward phrases.
I find myself here in this place now over the passing of a newborn within our extended family. My head cannot grasp any meaning that I can offer to say or to write to the young couple. In this modern age of AI and medical advancements, how is this possible? But, I stop myself from considering all the possibilities and sensibilities of how and why God has allowed this, to the realization; I just don’t know. And I can be okay with not knowing, and I can be okay with just offering an “I sorry” to the couple. I am grieving and sad, as is the whole extended family, as someone we never met in person as we live apart from the couple, has brought us grief and affected our lives by his very existence. He was and is created in the image of God, the Imago Dei. He took a breath and met his mom and dad, grandparents, brother, and his cousin, all who were able to hold him and see him as a reflection of both his parents. His life was brief, but he was loved, named and precious as all babies are, yet his life was too short.
So much happens in this life, both good, and bad, joyful and sad, that are lives seem to be a continuous rollercoaster ride of emotions. There is also so much we do not and will not understand this side of Heaven. When we try to make sense of all this, we can find it impossible to find peace, but only when we surrender our needing to know and replacing it with not knowing, we find the peace we look for. When we simply trust God, we can find peace. Trust isn’t always easy, especially when are hearts are breaking and our minds are reeling, but simply speaking out loud to God and telling Him “I don’t understand this, my heart is breaking, but yet I will trust you”
A verse comes to mind from the Gospel of Mark, from a distraught father who asked Jesus to heal his son and Jesus told him everything was possible if you believe. The father’s response “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief” (Mark 9:24 NIV). There are many times when I need to repeat this, I Do belief Jesus, but help my unbelief. He gets it. He understands. He wept over His friend Lazarus’ death. He wept over the city of Jerusalem. He became one of us and felt the pain we feel. We can trust Him with our pain and our grief, even when there are no words. He knows our pain and offers comfort beyond any words we can offer to others, or receive from others. He is the peace we seek. God Bless- Nancy
Moving Forward 