If you grew up in church, then you probably have heard more than once the story of Esau, who for a single meal gave up his birthright. We don’t think much about birthrights here in the United States, as we believe every man, and woman for that matter, has an equal opportunity to be and live as they wish. There are no special blessings to be given just because you are the oldest. Parents tend to divide their property equally in their wills. It was very different when Esau gave up the right of blessing for a momentary filling of his stomach. I mean to be fair, we’ve all been there; so hungry we vow we would eat anything. We grab the candy bars by the check out to snack on or pull through the fast food restaurants to satisfy an immediate need for food, rather than going home and spending an hour preparing a meal. Or maybe that’s just me.
But have you ever taken the easy way or the fastest way to solve a problem because you believe it will satisfy your emotions and avoid conflict? I admit I have. Have you ever listened to bad advice and followed it without much thought, only to regret it later, like Esau selling his birthright? I have and let me share an example.
About 14 years ago, one of my uncles stopped by our house. He lived in another state, so it was really nice that during his trip to visit his sister, my mom, he stopped by for a meal. I hadn’t grown up around this uncle and my mom had only a few years before this visit, found him and was reunited with him. My mom and her two siblings had been separated as small children when they were taken away from their mom. I was very happy and excited to see him. One of military assignments had brought us to a state close to where he and his family lived and we were able to meet him for the first time and visit a few times before we moved back home. I had looked forward to his visit to our new home.
But, unfortunately my happiness turned to sadness, grief and anger after he left our house. He thought it would be best to relay gossip that he heard about me. He spared no detail and informed me that they were talking about me and the choice I made to forego college to get married. Now, he never did say who the “they” were, for he had visited my parents, my brother and his wife and my aunt, my dad’s sister. All of which lived on the same street. I didn’t even want to know who said what, although I had suspected my Aunt since she had never married and was a college professor. I was angry and hurt. I had never wanted to go to college right after high school and I also was very proud of my husband and our children. I had enjoyed being a stay at home mom while my husband served his country. My husband and I had lived an adventurous life the military had provided us. When we chose to move back to our hometown, we never expected our family to feel this way about us.
I was hurt and in my own shortsightedness decided that I could not host the big holiday meal for the entire family that year. I just couldn’t believe my own family saw my life as a failure, and wished I hadn’t gotten married and had children.
What I didn’t realize until later was that my uncle was trying to cause trouble. Eventually we had to set boundaries for him in order to protect our family. He would share inappropriate material over our social media feeds, and was himself estranged from his own grown children. But, I realized too late that I had believed his tea when he spilled it, instead of ignoring it. Over time I spoke with my mom, but she brushed me off. Ten years later as I was about to earn my master’s degree I spoke to my Aunt and she was very excited and proud of me, and it made me realize that it probably wasn’t her. My Mom never saw me earn my master’s degree but watched me as I studied for my bachelor’s degree before she died in 2014. I learned that what my uncle had said was probably not true. My parents and my Aunt were very much happy with our children and proud of my college accomplishments that I pursued later in life. I only wish that I had not listened to my Uncle, who turned out to be untrustworthy. I had lost a few years of an open, happy relationship with my Aunt and endured years of suspicion and hurt that I didn’t need to experience.
Over the years since then, I try to be more careful about what I believe when people tell me about others. I know how much misleading words can hurt. Spreading rumors might seem worthwhile, as believing the rumors can be, but remember to ask questions about the tea spiller. Are they trustworthy? Are they angry at the person they are spreading the rumors about? Are they looking for attention? Are they trying to harm you or make you feel devalued? Are they trying to create turmoil in your relationships? Its best not to react right away and consider what you know about the person that is being gossiped about. Its best to not believe the first thing you hear. You might just ruin a relationship. If you are the one someone else is gossiping about it can be difficult to clear your name and reputation. People tend to believe what they choose to believe and that is not your responsibility, Be true to who you know you are. Set boundaries if necessary to protect yourself. Allow God to be your vindicator and try to live at peace with all men as the Apostle Paul advises. God Bless Nancy
Moving Forward 