loving others – Moving Forward

How to Save A life

I have never thought of myself as any kind of life saver. Not in any philosophical term, I’m a mom so I have saved my kids lives many times over, the forgotten book, homework assignment, sports uniform, cleats, you get the idea. But I mean REALLY literally saving a human life by intervening. I highly respect those who have answered the call to be an EMT or firefighters or police officers, or emergency room personnel. But I was recently told that I had saved the life of another person through my calling and gift; writing. If you are new to this site and aren’t aware I wrote and published a book last year (2024) about my mom and how her loss affected me deeply. It also is about how the medical community unfairly treats the medically vulnerable, those that cannot speak for themselves. If you are interested in reading my story, the book can be found at Amazon, as well as Barnes and Noble, and Walmart, Target and other online book sites. Look for Undone: Letting Go of Perfection, What Grief Taught Me About Faith by Nancy Jalbert.

It has slowly been gaining traction and readers through a grass roots effort as I do not commercially market the book. One of the readers, a co-worker of my husband read the book and has now purchased and passed books on for others to read because she witnessed for herself a similar incident with two elderly relatives. It is because of her story that I share this blog. I believe it can make the difference in many more lives and might even save a life as it did for her family.

She had been given the book by my husband to read because she had an older relative that was sick and it had been recommended that the family commit the relative to a hospice center, but she was feeling unsure. Once she had the book she realized that hospice was not going to be the right decision for the relative and said she would pass the book onto other family members who could learn for themselves the sometimes horrific and painful truth of for- profit medicine in the United States.

That sounds pretty good, but wait a minute until I share the REST of the story. A few months later she related that my book had saved her grandfather’s life. Her grandfather has taken ill suddenly and wasn’t quite himself, and the medical professionals were believing he was suffering from dementia or some other terminal illness while he was in the hospital. The man’s son(her father) questioned the medical team and their recommendation that the gentleman be moved to a hospice center to die. He pulled his father from the hospital and went to another medical facility to be checked out and what’s crazy is it was a completely different prognosis. The elderly gentleman, the grandfather of my husband’s co- worker had a UTI or Urinary Tract Infection. In elderly folks the effects are often cognitive, rather than physical as with younger patients.

So when my husband called from work one day he was excited to share that I had saved a life! His co-worker after reading my book, was well prepared in advance as to what was about to happen after a patient is recommended for palliative or hospice care. ( I realize there are still some hospice related services that are legit, but since it was deregulated in the United States there is a shocking increase as well as reduction in time for patients to spend in hospice) The longer the patient requires hospitalization or hospice care the cost to the insurance companies and medicare/ medicaid increases, so there is a push and a specific terminology used in the cases to provide a smokescreen for what is really happening. Families are blindsided as I was with my mom, who entered the hospital with a fractured hip and was told we needed to put her into a palliative care protocol, rather than operate to repair her hip. We didn’t know what was happening to her but were given a scripted protocol that attempted to explain it to us in a way that made it seem like the right thing to do. Sadly, by the time we figured out what was happening to my mom it was too late. I was shocked, angry and hurt and my story describes the struggle I had going through this experience.

But, as I see it now, God did have a reason for my trial and pain, to help others who are either going through it, or hopefully to bring awareness to this tragedy happening daily in hospitals, nursing homes, assisted living centers and hospice centers. Remember, when you have a hard story to tell, share it, you just might save someone else’s life or help them through their difficult time or maybe prevent it. We need to share our stories and ourselves. Jesus commanded that we should observe two greatest commandments to love God and love our neighbor. Who is your neighbor? Who can you demonstrate the love of God toward? Maybe it will be to share your story, maybe it will save the life of your neighbor. God Bless- Nancy

Eyes Wide Open

I closed my eyes and placed my hands on my lap, carefully interlocking my fingers together. I opened one eye slightly and gave a side glance across the aisle to the other row of chairs. Was this right? I wondered in my twelve year old brain. It seemed to be the same as the other peoples’ hands. The people across the church aisle. My head was turned downward as if I was looking at my lap. This must be right I thought and firmly closed both eyelids once again. I don’t remember what was said by the minister, but I recall glancing up through a slit in my eyelids, just enough to see whether it was over or not. Do I open my eyes now? Is it okay to lift my head? Am I suppose to say amen?

Such was my predicament when I was a first time visitor to a church service at the age of twelve. I had not been to church before and really did not understand it all. I had never participated in a group prayer. But I watched and learned what to do.

Over time I learned to recite the Lord’s Prayer and became more confident in the whole folding my hands together, closing my eyes and bowing my head. Later in my life I would visit other churches and learn about more spontaneous prayers and lifting my hands in prayer and praise. I would also come to know God in a personal relationship of faith and understand what I was praying and to whom I was praying.

But, I still copied what I saw others doing at church. Standing up or sitting back down in my seat at the cue of others around me, or in front of me. Tell me that I am not the only one. Did you grow up in church from an infant? Or did you come to church as a preteen, teen or adult? If you can identify with the latter, was it all a new foreign language and customs to learn? It was for me. And I find that I am still learning. I adapt, depending upon the style and type of church.

Every church gathering seems to have its own style. And I follow the cues. I am a work in progress and while for some, it might not make any difference what type of service they are attending. They are confident and focused upon their own style of prayer and praise. For me, I follow the cues and adapt.

Over the some forty years of church attendance, I have observed style changes for both prayer and worship. Music styles have changed, as have prayers. Very rarely will you hear a pastor speaking King James Version prayers with “thee’s” and “thou’s”. Some prayers have become so casual to say “Hey God”. I’m not quite sure if I could handle any prayers that might say “dude” or “bro” when talking to God, but I guess that shows my age. I’ll learn to adapt.

Recently, at a church service I was visiting, God began to show me something that I had gotten too used to following. At first I was taken aback by the suggestion. But, when God points out something, its best to listen to Him. He showed me that people were all trying to copy the worship team. He made me think about my own sincerity in my worship. Was I just copying others to fit in with their style of worship, you know peer pressure, or was my heart bent on true worship? While I was thinking about it, He also pointed out the worship team. Their eyes were tightly closed. God began to impress upon me that “They are focused on loving me, but they can’t see others when their eyes are closed.”

Now, I will be the first to tell you that I close my eyes sometimes in worship. It shuts off the distractions and lets me think about the words I am singing. But, that was something God was trying to tell me. That we close our eyes to focus on Him in worship. To sing our love for Him. But, we fail to open them back up when we leave the service. We forget that while God commanded us to love Him with all our hearts, minds and spirit; the second command is as equal. Love our neighbors as ourselves.

Now, please don’t get mad at the messenger here, just sharing some thoughts. Maybe it is what we need to think about. What if we, as modern worshiping Christians, are too focused on this experience and this following the crowd, that we fail to notice if someone visited our services? What if corporate, church worship was focused on the group, rather than each individual shutting out the distractions of those around them?

I do remember a time, when we worshiped with our eyes wide open. We sang upbeat old fashioned hymns, and no I’m not suggesting we go back to old style music, but just that we acted like a group. Like a team. I cannot imagine closing my eyes and singing a team song at a sporting game. Tell me if I’m wrong, but we keep our eyes open for that.

But, somehow, we now have worship team idols who have taught us how to project an image of bliss in worship, that includes closing our eyes and lifting our hands. It might be a reflection of our selfie driven culture that cares more about social media views than authenticity. I mean, let’s be real here for a sec, does it make the singer look more holy, closer to God even, as if they have found this perfect moment of worship of God? I think it might. Maybe because we want that too.

Let’s be honest. There are times when we are hurting. Times when we are tired. We cannot always be in the mood to praise God. God knows our hearts and He knows our hurts. He knows when we are being sincere, or just following the worship team and imitating them.

The Psalms give us many examples of sincerity in worship. Here’s the short version: The psalmist is feeling down and then recalls the goodness of God and ends the psalm with praise.The psalmist starts out with an honest reflection and assessment of his circumstances, both physically and spiritually. He is authentic.

Let’s open our eyes and be authentic. Be real. See others as God sees them. And while I cannot claim the worship team was not engaged in an amazing worship moment, God perhaps was asking me to be real in worship myself and not just take the cues from others. Do not just go though the motions, imitating what we might have seen in worship videos or from the stage, but just authentic, corporate worship.

I recall attending an outdoor Christian concert once and observed a woman standing in front of me. The song began and she immediately raised her left hand, keeping it raised, as she texted with her cell phone in her right hand. Her head kept tilting down to look at her phone as she texted. Distracted driving is dangerous, but I have wondered about distracted praise.

I have also been at a different concert, praising God, hands raised and in an amazing moment, witnessed the presence of the Holy Spirit fall on the concert. I stopped singing, because I realized there were no words suitable for that moment. My eyes were opened. At the same time, I also realized the lead singer had stopped singing too and had dropped to his knees on stage, completely silent. There were just no words adequate for that moment in an outpouring of the Holy Spirit. It was not for show. The music kept playing in the background, but we were all silent. It was a beautiful moment I won’t forget, maybe this is what Heaven will be like.

Either way, silent praise or joyous expression, let’s focus on true worship and not on ourselves as worshipers. Let us worship God, who calls us to love others and demonstrate a pure religion that looks after the widows and orphans (James 1:27). Let’s keep our eyes wide open to see others. Love is not blind at least it shouldn’t be as demonstrated in our love for God and for others. Keep your eyes open and let God show you amazing things -God Bless, Nancy

Do You Really Mean It?

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. -Paul in his letter to the church in Rome

There’s a popular phrase “Fake it until you make it” that has been around for awhile. It implies that we should act like we are confident and successful until we can actually see it happen in reality. Somehow our attitude affects what can manifest into reality and while I’m not going to get into the finer points of that argument, it does seem to be popular.

We are, no doubt, are very self- centered culture these days. We want to appear as if we are successful and have it all together. We are only our “real” selves when we are with those closest to us, most likely our closest friends and our families. To the rest of the world, we put forth the image of what we want them to see. Our selfie shots and posts on social media are carefully filtered and selected to help us appear to be perfect. We know, or at least would should realize, that these will be around for awhile for everyone to see so we have to be selective.

Often, we use these platforms to feed our own longing for approval and the need to be right. And sometimes our need for love. We all enjoy the nice comments from social media and the little heart emojies. It makes us feel loved, appreciated and accepted.

But when we take the filters away. Who are we really? Do we know how to be real? Can we let others see our true selves? Can we love others authentically? Or do we attempt to show love towards others from our filtered selves? Are we fakes?

In the southern US where I live, there is a saying that conveys falsehood, yet to the visitor, might sound very nice. “Bless your heart” might sound nice, but it really translates to “What are you thinking? Are you crazy?” There are a few other translations I could add, but they wouldn’t be appropriate in this forum, so I’ll leave it to your own imagination. So, it is a way to say something nice, without really meaning it. It is not blessing anyone’s heart. It is not a compliment.

Last week, in the blog What Christians Get Wrong, I wrote about the tendency of faith people to argue their faith with those who do not share the same beliefs. It was one of many ideas that Christians sometimes get “wrong”. Today I would add insincerity.

The apostle Paul wrote much of the New Testament. His letters to the fledgling churches offered so much advice to those Jesus followers that we still read and study his words. If you have the time, consider reading the entire letter Paul wrote to the Romans, that is the early church in Rome, not the government. You’ll find that it is just as applicable today as it was in the first century. Chapter 12 offers quite a list for believers on how they should act towards each other and to those outside their church group.

Commentators, who study this letter in its original language- Greek, often find verse 9 an important shift in the writing style. They suggest it is a heading for a list to follow. Like, “Here is what real, true love should look like; list to follow” It also implied that it was a close love, like a family kind of love. A sincere, be yourself, no one to impress here, kind of love. Not the fake it ’til you make it, or bless your heart. Just real. Authentic. Not for any personal approval or to fill our own empty love tank.

I think, that sometimes Christians like to skip over the passage and get to the hate what is evil part, to justify their judgmental attitudes towards others. Paul is really speaking to the individual as a member of the larger body of believers there. Not hating others, but more of a personal accountability. The imperative to cling to what was good, also implied this close, family connection. Love that is sincere hates the evil in the world, but holds on to the good. It does not hate people, but the evil that is present. If you continue reading the rest of the passage all the way to its end in verse 21, you can fully understand what Paul is trying to tell the Christians about sincere love and what it looks like. Words like harmony, humility, peace, sharing, rejoicing, mourning with others, joy, honor, patience,faithfulness, humbleness over being conceited, providing water to the thirsty, and doing good all appear as instructions on how to love authentically, sincerely.

Many might think of 1 Corinthians 13 as the “Love” chapter in the bible, but I think Romans 12 really gives us a real good idea of what sincere love should look like. I encourage you to read it, and let me know if you agree on this point. – God Bless you- Nancy

Road Work

A voice of one calling: “In the wilderness prepare the way for the LORD; make straight in the desert a highway for our God. -Isaiah 40:3, NIV

I remember vividly the first time our daughter drove us up the mountain near her university. At the top was a beautiful vantage point to look out over the valley below and even the smaller mountains that were around were dwarfed by this much taller peak.

The views were breathtaking, but that wasn’t the only thing taking my breath away… you see the road up to the top was anything but a peaceful drive on a country road. There were steep inclines and multiple switch backs with no guardrails, nope, nothing but a hundred foot drop on the side. Driving down was even more exciting as she had to shift down the car to prevent from using her brakes too often and having them overheat.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved seeing the views from the top, but I just don’t like the the winding roads to get there. Why can’t there just be a more direct route? Too steep probably, I get it.

Lately God has been impressing upon me those straight paths Isaiah talks about, like from the verse above. We find it also in all four gospels; Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. It of course is speaking (in Isaiah) prophetically of John the Baptist, who was he “voice of one crying our in the desert”. His mission was to announce Jesus coming as the Messiah. His message was one of repentance and baptism.

Those who came out to the wilderness to hear him speak were a mixed group. Some were looking for more in their own spiritual life, and others were curious, in particular members of the Jewish religious leadership who had heard that his preaching was having a big impact on people, probably much bigger than their impact with their long list of do’s and don’t s that held the people in bondage and without hope that they could ever be good enough for God. People were responding more to John then them. They probably were getting a bit jealous.

They questioned John about his purpose and mission and this is when he quoted from the book of Isaiah. Matthew’s gospel gives the reader a bit of more insight into John’s view of his mission and it wasn’t very kind to the Pharisees and Sadducees (Matthew 3:7-10). They were very religious, but had no fruit to show a true heart that had repented. They were a hindrance to the people when they should have been leading them towards a closer relationship with God.

There are still many hindrances today, to a closer relationship with God, like religion, bad experiences with church and church people, doubts, fears, pride, and maybe over rationalizing, for a few examples. I’m sure if we got together, we could all add to that list. These rough roads to belief in God or trusting God more, if we are already believers, sometimes keep us from knowing God in a more personal way.

It’s like that windy mountain road. It’s rough and we just want to turn back sometimes. It can be scary to place our faith in God. We look around and see the potential drop offs – like maybe people will think we are weird, or worse, our friends will leave us. Family might think we are crazy for starting this journey of faith.

Or maybe we have been so hurt before, we already know its difficult, because we tried to start up the mountain, but turned around. We are still licking our wounds from the hurtful things that church people said to us, or worse, did to us. We don’t believe we can do that again, I mean what if we get hurt again?

John would have liked to talk with you I bet, see he knew the religious leaders did not have fruit, he called them out on it. He called them snakes. John was not teaching another religious way, but what he was proclaiming was a new way- the kingdom of God way. Jesus’ way. The way people should be, repentant of their sins, and turning away from them to produce good fruit. He describes this good fruit in Luke’s gospel chapter 3 verses ten through sixteen. Sharing, treating others fairly, not for dishonest gain, in others words, loving your neighbor as yourself would demonstrate your love for God. A life that realizes they have sinned against God and no amount of religion fixes that, except trusting in Jesus as the payment. Nothing more, nothing less. This is what changes a man (or woman or child). Followers of Jesus are not perfect, we still need work, but God works on us and helps to smooth those rough places in our lives. He directs our path and keeps us going on this journey of faith. Will you allow Him to make those straight paths in your life? Start the journey and let Him drive the car. God Bless You – Nancy